Have you pondered what it is about affairs that interfere with memory? There’s something about memory and affairs that’s baffling. When you question your spouse and receive the response “I can’t remember” it feels like you hit a wall. That wall keeps you in the dark and frustrates recovery.
It is a common experience to feel confused and frustrated when trying to reconcile memories with infidelity. The pain of betrayal often clouds our judgment and makes it difficult to understand why our partner may not remember certain details or events related to their affair. On hitting that wall, how do you react? Do you just get angrier or take some other approach?
You consider whether they’re playing games with you or if they actually can’t recall what happened. Some cheaters hide behind the excuse while others have trouble recalling specifics associated with the affair.
Brain researchers are finding that your ability to recall events is connected with the emotional state at the time of the event. Although they can recall some details, others are connected to the emotional states they are in at the time of the affair.
Another factor is whether or not your spouse was paying attention to those details at the time. When they aren’t paying attention to the details, they aren’t being stored in memory very effectively. They may be so caught up in their emotions that they do not notice details.
This is why you recall other sad events and details concerning them when you’re sad. When you’re feeling happy, those details are not forthcoming. The emotional state your spouse is in when you’re confronting them is very different than the state they were in the midst of the affair. This is why some spouses are unable to provide all the details to you.
So there really is something that interferes with memory and recall. There are ways of overcoming the interference that doesn’t involve threats, name calling or yelling. In my downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I share with you ways of bypassing defenses and brain interference. You can move past these roadblocks without high drama.
Anytime you use force in making things happen, it creates greater tension and problems. There are better ways of getting through these challenges.
Click and download your copy today. The sooner you start doing things differently, the sooner the both of you will move through recovery from the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
