Whenever I start talking with people about forgiveness, there’s always reactions. One of the common responses I hear is “It’ll only happen again!”
With that thought firmly in their mind, they choose to nurture the hurt and not forgive. The fear that it may happen again keeps them locked into a state of unforgiveness.
Although their original intent was one of expressing frustration, the choice programs their brain into what it will and won’t accept. They limit their options at that point.
Although many other excuses are given for you not forgiving, this is one that pops up with such frequency, it needs further attention. The fear of an affair happening again is a very real one.
When you live in that fear, it keeps you from moving forward. It keeps you from taking risks. You start living life from a ‘defensive’ position. You protect yourself from what your fantasies tell you could happen once again.
Consider for a moment the situation you’re in and how you’re dealing with it. You are hesitant to let go of your resentments based on fears of it happening again. To me, making the choice to stay resentful and surrounding yourself in fear sounds more like torture than enjoying life.
One way of reducing the likelihood of “it happening again” is doing something different. Seek help from the right people for your situation rather than the convenient people.
This includes trying new things and new ways of looking at your situation. It also means you risk letting go of your hurts.
I also know that when it comes to forgiveness, there’s likely some things you don’t know. I’ve found that with the topic of forgiveness, many of you think you know what it is, then when it fails, you want to give up on it.
Have you considered that you may be forgiving the wrong thing? Have you considered that you might not really know how to let go of your hurts?
Could it be that forgiveness is something you talk about but really don’t know much about?
If you recognize that you can benefit from learning more about forgiveness, consider purchasing the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, tear down the walls and remove the roadblocks”.
You may be going about forgiveness in a self-defeating way yet not know it. What you don’t know about how to forgive may be hindering your recovery from the affair.
Your comments and remarks are programming your brain in ways you don’t realize.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
