As you and your spouse deal with the affair, there may come a time that you deal with ‘a leap of faith’. You spouse may even ask you to take ‘a leap of faith’. The unsettling truth is that a leap of faith is not trust. They are two different things. Getting them confused will lead to heartaches and disappointments.
With trust, you are choosing to have faith in what someone tells you based on them showing that they are trustworthy. They give you what is often called a show of ‘good faith’. True trust always has some basis or foundation. When the cheater has destroyed everything around them, there is little that you can base your trust on.
You can choose to trust them based on what they have done for you, evidence that they are trustworthy or even how they did on tests of trust. When you trust based on pure promises, it is a risky thing. Trust often has an element of risk, yet even that risk is built on a foundation. When even the foundation is shaky, taking such risks is foolish.
A leap of faith amounts to trusting someone based 100% on promises. It is jumping without any assurances that they are worthy of trust. Cheaters have already shown that they are high risks. Trusting in a high risk person who has consistently failed to show trustworthiness is like giving cash money to a drunk in hopes that they will spend it wisely.
Contrast trust with the ‘leap of faith’. True trust is when you risk being vulnerable with a person based on they showing you that they have made changes. Only after they have cleaned up their act, ended the affair and shown a commitment to your marriage should you be willing to even consider placing trust in them. At least in that case, they have shown some foundations of trustworthiness. True trust is taking a calculated risk based on them showing some evidence of being able to handle trust, while the leap of faith is hanging your hopes on hot air.
So, do not confuse the ‘leap of faith’ with trust. They are two different ideas with two different outcomes.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
