One of the things I hate is ‘lawyer tricks’. Being a therapist, I am sensitive to being manipulated and helping others change. One reason I hate lawyer tricks is that they are powerful tools that manipulate you. One lesson I learned from a lawyer is that they intentionally use ‘legalese’ and threats in their letters for intimidation purposes. The choose big words and complicated ways of saying things to intimidate you. Their letters are purposely inflammatory. They’re written to get reactions and pick fights.
The lawyer told me that the letters were sent to trigger reactions. They count on people reacting, knowing that it gives them an excuse to counter their reaction. It’s a total setup. He told me that you need to read their letters. Then set it down for a few hours, perhaps have a drink, then re-read it later, thinking through what they’re ‘really saying’.
The lawyers know that you are easier to manipulate when you are reactionary. They count on you reacting so that they can play you. They also know that the longer they drag on the case, the greater their fee will be. The contest between your lawyer and the other one is a show. It is meant to entertain you. When your case is over, the two lawyers may be golfing together.
Once you get past the inflammatory talk and intimidating big words, you can start deciphering what is happening. The important lesson is not going with your initial reaction. Slow down and think through what’s being said. Lawyers smell blood and look for new ways of chalking up billable hours. Getting reactions from you means more billing for them. They benefit from having more conflicts going on. Anytime there’s marital discord, lawyers see potential.
Another important thing to keep in mind when dealing with lawyers is their use of technical jargon and legal terminology. These are not just fancy words, but they serve a specific purpose – to intimidate and confuse non-legal professionals.
This is also important in dealing with affairs. Some actions, letters, and emails are intentionally inflammatory. This means when you read or see something, rather than flying into a rage on first exposure, put it down, take a breath, and consider what’s really going on.
The cheater or the AP is saying and doing things for reaction purposes. They know what triggers you. They use those triggers to get their way.
You must order the “Affair Recovery Workshop” where there’s a section on ‘telling yourself the truth’ which includes handling inflammatory situations like the ones described above. Going through affair recovery includes handling those kinds of situations.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
