At times, the only initial response I can muster to a letter is “Wow! Just Wow!” At those moments, I take a breath and shake my head in disbelief at how astounding it is in a shocking way.
Although wow is often used for good letters as well, today I’m referring to the speechless kind of wow. The latest stunner was in response to a post I wrote back in 2016 on ‘The After Effects of Wife Swapping’.
It started off with the author from Australia identifying themselves as “God”. It definitely grabbed my attention. When ‘God’ sends me an email, it gets my attention.
Within a few moments, I realized it was only an attention getting ploy. Perhaps the author meant their comment as a form of sarcastic humor.
It definitely puts an unusual twist on their message. I don’t know if they realize the full significance of their approach.
They made it clear that they disapproved of my stance on marriage and encouraged me to be more positive when it comes to wife swapping (e.g. open marriage). They don’t like the one-man, one-woman approach to marriage.
It struck me that someone thinks I should be more positive about helping people and encouraging you through the times you are experiencing.
Having worked with couples from around the globe whose marriages were damaged by swinging, I can’t compromise on my disapproval of that behavior. (Yes, even from Australia).
Although open relationships bring joy to some people, the wounds it leaves behind are devastating. Once that line is crossed, in can’t be uncrossed.
The authors logic was “ if its not ..gods plan he wouldn’t have put you in a swinging situation to get you off.”
On reading that line, the addiction counselor side of me was screaming! Then there’s the whole issue of sacrilege in their approach.
It’s the same logic used by addicts in justifying and excusing their binges. I imagine hearing something along the lines of “If I wasn’t meant to drink, why did he allow me into this bar?”
That kind of logic gets you into trouble. It is the mantra of addicts around the world
You can get so into affairs and open relationships that all you care about is your own sensuality. You may enjoy the sensation, yet it’s not healthy.
It also throws your life out of balance and damages the bonds holding your marriage together. What starts off as a series of choices soon becomes a monster that demands gratification. When that monster demands gratification, you become a slave to your urges.
Fortunately, the domination of sensuality can be curtailed. There are things you can do that restore balance and harmony into your life and marriage. You don’t have to stay doomed in a lifestyle with no exit.
Although the author doesn’t see the potential damage from open relationships, I’ve seen behind the curtain and the picture isn’t a pretty sight.
Claiming that “God” condones and encourages swinging also concerned me. Taking a position like that is stepping so far out on a limb that there’s no substance under you. I’ve yet to see chapter and verse that supports such a position.
They may have wrestled with efforts at controlling their urges, which have become the center of their lives. Their urge and its gratification is all that matters to them.
My presumption is that the writer views themselves as the definitive authority in their own life.
In my video on “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers” I show you ways of starting the undoing of the damage inflicted by ‘open relationships’. Although it’s called open, it often turns into an open air prison for those being held prisoner by it.
I want you to enjoy your marriage and your life once again. There are things you can do to improve things and find the exit door.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
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