When I mention the serial affair, many people give me a quizzical look. This is one of those items that few understand. I have seen serial affairs in two types.
The first type is where the person has a series of affairs, one after another.
The second type is where the person never ends the previous relationships that they have had in their life.
In this second type, you, the resolute spouse, feels like the cheater is having an affair, and the resolute spouse maintains their innocence. With the many divorces and the involvement of children, this kind of situation arises more common than expected.
People often don’t sever the previous relationships like they should. Although there is a lot of talk about ‘clean breaks’, those things rarely occur. Some spouses have ‘affairs’ by occasionally sleeping with their ex-spouse. They don’t realize that when it is over, it is over.
They may be so used to sleeping with former lovers or exes that they think nothing of it. They don’t believe what they are doing is bad. They are so used to the behavior, that there is no pain of conscience alerting them with warning lights “This Isn’t Right!”.
Dealing with serial affairs is challenging, given the fractured relationships that divorce brings. Since people are people, those involved often have frayed, raw feelings from such an event.
At times ex-spouses try to seduce them, or they drink too much, or for sentimental reasons, the two find themselves in compromising situations. It is nearly impossible to remove all possible temptations in such cases.
The best preventative is to spend time talking with your spouse about their past. Try to understand their struggles. Learn to identify their weak points and needs. Pray for them to overcome those areas.
Such talks are not about reliving the past, but rather to understand the struggles your spouse has been through and how they often dealt with those struggles.
This is not about romanticizing the past or comparing yourself with the ex, it is about understanding what makes your spouse tick. When those areas are never discussed, they can function like a minefield that explodes at unknown times and places.
That’s why I created the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program. It’s designed for helping you and your spouse open up the lines of communication and bring out the best in your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
