You may have noticed how social scientists craft smooth sounding which make ugly situations sound better than they are. Instead of using the term ‘perverts’, they use the term ‘alternate lifestyles’, instead of using the term sluts or three time losers, they use the term ‘serial marriages’, and instead of broken families, they use the term ‘blended families’.
They know words are powerful. They create images in your mind. Words mold and shape your thinking.
When you hear the term ‘blended family’, it leaves you with the image of people from different families putting aside their differences for the common good of the new family. In putting aside their differences, they ‘blending’ together in a common consistency.
The truth is that they’re broken people trying to fit together like disjointed pieces of different jigsaw puzzles. They have jagged edges, and hurt feelings. They may be all together in the same kettle, but the reality is that they don’t blend well.
Families are one item which answers the Blendtec of “Will it blend?” with a resounding “NO”.
I know this from having been there. Even in my own family, my siblings and I reject the term ‘blended’ family in favor of the more honest term, ‘broken family’ in reference to what we experienced.
I mention this in connection with affairs, because many cheaters assume that they can start a new life with their lover and ‘live happily ever after’. As part of their fantasy, they often believe the ‘myth of the blended family’.
They assume that they can splice themselves into the family of the lover and ‘make things work’. Some blended families have worked, but working and being healthy are two different things.
They worked because they either chose to or had to. When families are blended due to someones selfish desire, they’re planting seeds of their own destruction.
Under such circumstances, the children are forced into relationships that they didn’t choose. They are churned like ingredients in a food processor into a polyglot mixture.
The social scientist call this concoction a ‘blended family’ so that it sounds good. It sounds better than mixing the cast off from previous families.
Somehow a ‘cast off family’ doesn’t sound as appealing. In putting the parts together, the adults are playing “Will it blend?” with real people.
They forget that it is not an infomercial or a sales pitch. In slicing and dicing, they are creating a ‘new Frankenstein family’, but that doesn’t sound very appealing either, even though that is what has been created.
If cheaters were forced to face the reality that they are not creating a blended family but rather a ‘frankenstein family’, they may come to their senses sooner about what they are actually doing.
The term ‘blended family’ is part of a myth. That same myth in popular culture that gave us the propaganda show ‘The Brady Bunch’.
Real life doesn’t work that way. It would have been more honest to portray it as ‘The bride of Frankenstein’ although you would have to call it the “Frankenstein family”.
Sadly, many churches have encouraged their members in remarrying and carrying on as if all was well. They have played a major role in keeping the blended family myth continuing in its path of destruction.
Such actions only sell serial marriages, justifies affairs and keeps up the numbers at the church.
Since one of the areas damaged in blended families is trust, this is an area needing help. If you find yourself in a blended family, everyone needs some help with rebuilding trust. The family only exists because everyone has suffered a loss of some sort.
In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?” you can gain the skills you need for rebuilding trust. The lessons apply to spouse and children. Each of them has experienced broken trust and is in need of healing.
You may not be able to repair all the family hurts, but you can repair the broken trust, when you know what specific steps are needed.
Best Regards,
Jeff
6 Responses
This is one of the things I began to think about when I discovered my husband had an adulteress arrangement out of which he and she planned and had two children. Since he PLANNED these births with her I asked him what on earth he was thinking to do such a thing . It was bound to come out sooner or later as those kids grew older. His reply was that he thought that our children , being older and raised in the faith would become mentors of the younger children and be good influences upon them.
I was astonished as this was not only a violation of our marriage vows but an assumption that he could sin against our Lord and Savior and presume upon all those he sinned against to not only forgive but to violate the marriage and family design of God further by assuming we should all normalize what is sin.
It sounds good to those who know nothing about right and wrong by God’s definition but parents who sin against God , covenant vows of marriage and their own families and remarry from adultery are then asking children to learn to accept what GOD has defined as SIN . Since anyone who divorces for reasons other than set forth in scripture commits adultery they violate the conscience of children who for many reasons have no choice but to accept the ‘training ‘ of parents who demand they ‘blend’ to be ‘good ‘ people according to the sinful definition of the world, the flesh and the devil. Then they wonder why the growing population of those who grew up in such circumstances have no concern about divorcing their spouses for any reason or worse , see no particular benefit to marriage as it is seen as disposable !
My own husbands family of origin did not divorce but the people they had a friends growing up were products of blended families and they “turned out fine”! This MAY or may not be truth since people adjust superficially to any sort of thing they ‘must’ to maintain some kind of attachment and care. Children do not really have much choice in the matter as they don’t want to lose the affection of a parent who already demonstrates selfish , self centered interests and has cast off their other parent!
It is not just the social scientist who have brought this phenomena about but cowardly and greedy church activists . Those who care about getting the straight ‘story ‘ from God may not be popular but they will agree that marriage and fidelity are more than just for the spouses involved but their marriage relationship effects all . The children growing and observing the character and deliberate effort to walk in truth of the parents and the broader society which takes what is seen and heard as truth without any concern for learning what IS in truth the TRUTH from the Creator of all things including how to live life and be in relationships and what the PURPOSE of those relationships are in terms of benefits to mankind and in how they are to glorify the maker!
Adultery darkens the mind like few other sins. The adulterer falls prey to any influence except the word of GOD as it convicts them and they don’t like it. They will seek others to make themselves feel OK about sin. The family that is a result of the blended idea in essences calls upon the children who know little and are fearful of losing the love of their parent to provide them with a comfortable place to sin .
The scriptures warn parents of their responsibility to “train up their children in the WAY that they SHOULD go and when they are old they may not depart from it ” What I have been observing is that how a child is trained …for sin or for righteousness make it easier for them to accept sin or harder to learn to walk in truth later on as they grow up and take a place in the world, which for the most part works against a godly walk.
The repropate mind spoken of in Roman’s chapter one is a mind devoid of being able to discern right from wrong. When people willfully reject God ‘s word and engage in willful sin they become deaf, dumb and blinded to truth. They seek ways to integrate sinful living into ways they can live that way without feeling ‘too bad’ …it is a life of comparison , of using personal or flesh to judge what they do as ‘not so bad’ and excuse themselves for their choices in saying ‘everyone is doing it’ or ‘at least I am being ‘honest’ about my feelings’
Thus they use lying flesh and feelings to define what is good …or good ‘enough’ and count upon a God who is love to judge them “OK” enough to get into heaven.
This as proverbs points out is a state of a man who goes into a strange woman and lacks understanding . Sin kills. Sin without a Savior leaves one in the hands of God who is love but who is also holy and JUST. His holiness demands justice which is called for a sin against the law of life.
Without a Savior one’s soul is subjected to God’s wrath which is the just recompense against sin. A saved person should not want to give into sinful desires and should be wanting to learn to avoid and fight against the urges to sin . They should indicate a huger and desire to learn and to have Jesus AS LORD …to help in this process. They may be saved but may fail to become equipped with the whole armour of GOD and to walk in truth. Their mind may be untouched by God ‘s word which is TRUTH and is SPIRIT . The living spirit taken within daily will equip those saved to become wise and triumphant against sinful lusts that come our way in this world.
To be saved but refuse the counsel of God which is found in His word leaves people unchanged. it is the renewed mind which will keep us as we grow in spirit and in truth from daily obeying the Lord and study of His Word.
A person may grow to adulthood by time and aging but maturity comes through walking in truth and keeping one’s life under the lordship of the Lord. It guides us through all situations and if we will heed Him we will avoid much sorrow and pain.
Children taught by parents or others that they must conform to the world are those who God will call their adults to account for how they were violated by their parents neglect of the word and teaching for doctrine the commandments and tradition of man…the flesh ..their own preferences to sin.
Mat 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
This is speaking of “little ones WHICH BELIEVE IN ME’..to take upon one’s self to teach believers but it also applies to teaching anyone anything which distorts the word of God and leads away from it.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
For generations now many have been ‘taught’ to conform to the world’s definitions of ‘love’ , ‘marriage, and ‘family’ and now few are contending for the truth of these and many other foundations of life, and society. The assault of the devil is ongoing and growing just as it is said the last of the last days which began at the advent of the body of the church , the Lord’s bride , would see growing in opposition and supplanting of the truth.
The blended family is one of the key ways that society has been ‘conformed” to change toward the one world government, one world religion and toward submission to the coming antichrist.
It is no small thing that men who denied the Lordship of Jesus Christ have ignored and rejected being told how to live by the Creator and then demanded submission by expectation of such from the most apt to submit without must resistance….children and women.
Women rose up in a group for ‘rights’ sake under the opression of godless men and unlearned men and were used by the devil to bring about even more chaos of marriage and family.
When the Word of the Lord is ignored and denied all manner of sin flourishes. To serve the ‘creature’ …flesh rather than the Creator has become the mantra of the day because children have been raised in more and more lies and sinful situations and been called upon to tolerate and accept what sin it is as ” normal’ and even ‘preferable’
Men who would not obey God and learn to love the wives they chose have blamed their wives which in truth is to call attention to their own refusal to be taught and their own inability to act according to the way a husband was to learn to be unselfish and to give of himself in godly ways to the benefit of his family and the glory of GOd .
Woe to those who do not heed the command to repent of this sorry state of living life as if their is no God or judgment to come . May the plentiful clueless and those in a state of bondage to sin cease from demanding compliance of small and trusting children to accept the sin of their fathers.
Divorce for adultery is acceptable but not preferable in God’s realm and doctrine. Remarriage is for those widowed or who have been abandoned. The family used to be those who cared for widows , abandoned and orphans but now the church …the genuine church may be the only ones to do so.
The humanist doctrines of the age have laid heavy burdens and tax upon all for the care of those who will not work and those who are intent upon having children out of wedlock for filthy lucre in this day and age. This will not be unnoticed by our Lord who is coming soon.
This idea of accountability to God is mocked while those who commit sin DO fear what man’s laws say and steal from their families to pay for their sin of illegitimate children . The woman who demanded children from my husband and he weakly feared her exposing him did so ….takes from our family and we give to support those children because they need to be supported and we do not want them to want….but just this process alone has rendered our marriage to near severing …my husband finally moved out since being with me made his conscience hurt both ways …not knowing how to live with the woman he hurt ,even as he was forgiven and treated well. his ongoing effort to be a father to the children of adultery but not relating to the OW has also been a factor.
The other children are being raised to feel that the adultery that bore them is nothing as they do not know enough about the pain of it to our family . My husband did not want them tyo live with the stigma of illegitimacy so he has normalized it and they know not the pain our family has suffered. They are also growing up in a society that seeks to diminish the sin of it so they will not see any reason not to repeat the pattern of their mother.
She meanwhile does not work …she takes money for the kids and from the government in the form of a grant to go to school to get a second degree. She often leaves the kids on their own and has done so so that my husband would come to take them to eat ….she has manipulated him and they are learning how to do so as well.
Meanwhile our own children are adults who are learning from watching their father about how much he values them and has which now is seen as very little.
There are no winners in this scenario …and yet with the Lord and the faith we have to keep up daily we will be better off than those who live refusing the word of God as the wisdom He has provided.
Being ‘victimized’ by the man who was supposed to be the most trustworthy in a life is something I pray people everywhere will reexamine. My husband denies that his life should have any effect upon us and says that he does not want it too…but once a man makes a vow to GOD to care for one who Christ died for and is given the privilege and responsibility to parent children he no longer has an “option’ to opt out ..but my husband does not believe he ‘should’ have any impact upon us~Such is the blindness that sin causes one who loves it .
We all have an impact upon others in this life….secular humanism has taught people …like satanism ….’do what thou wilt ….’ and ‘if it feels good do it ‘ .a la Aliaster Crowley, Madame Blavatsky and Anton Levine.
Hos 10:12 Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.
Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Mat 6:24 ¶ No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Rom 14:11 For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God
Rom 14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
The Creator has provided a Savior for all of us because all sin and are born in that condition …then we are to hear, heed and turn to follow Him as LORD , listening and learning to walk as to avoid harm to ourselves and others.
God knows what He has had to do to save man and man is still free to choose . Those who refuse Him as their savior will face the judgement upon SIN either clothed in HIS righteousness he provided through Jesus Christ on the cross or without that ‘garment’ and will take the judgment that is upon sin …which they HAD opportunity while alive to accept from GOD’s Provision through his only BEGOTTEN son , Jesus Christ.
No man is damned because of GOD, but because of that man’s rejection of a loving God’s provision of full payment for sins a man cannot provide for himself.
Satan works to get a person to reject this offer….A person has this ‘opportunity’ as long as he breathes but to choose wisely and EARLY in life is the best .
Heb 9:27 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:
Isa 55:6 ¶ Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Isa 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isa 55:8 ¶ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
Isa 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Zaza,
The phrase “they turned out fine” has been used to justify the destruction of many families and lives. Those who grew up in such Frankenstein families may appear socially adjusted (which is what most people are referring to with the ‘turned out just fine’), although the reality is that they are hurting on the inside. They may have even attained some achievements, yet what they achieved is often a far cry from what they could have achieved. It breaks my heart that even Christian parents use the mantra ‘they turned out fine’ to justify their own immorality. They are often blind to the damage they are doing. In justifying the break-up of their family, they are giving up their authority, their reputation, their honor, not to mention making a major mockery of Christ and church teachings in the process. They often know better, yet allow their families to be dismembered all in the name of ‘keeping the peace’ and ‘maintaining social appearances’. Accountability scares them. I will try to respond to some of your other points, but it will take me some time to think through them.
Thanks Jeff. We know that justifying and “rebranding”　ｗｈï½ï½”　Ｇï½ï½„　ｃï½ï½Œï½Œï½“　ｓｉｎ　ï½ï½’　ｅｖｉｌ　ï½ï½“　＇ｇï½ï½ï½„＇　ｉｓ　ｊｕｓｔ　ï½ï½Žï½ï½”ｈｅｒ　ｉｎｄｉｃï½ï½”ｉï½ï½Žã€€ï½ï½†ã€€ï½”ｈｅ　ｄｅｃｌｉｎｅ　ï½ï½†ã€€ï½”ｈｅ　ｗï½ï½’ｌｄ　ï½ï½Žï½„　ｔｈｅ　ｆï½ï½Œï½“ｅ　ｃｈｕｒｃｈ　ｉｎｔï½ã€€ï½—ｈï½ï½”　ｉｓ　ｎï½ï½”　Ｂｉｂｌｉｃï½ï½Œã€€ï¼£ï½ˆï½’ｉｓｔｉï½ï½Žï½‰ï½”ｙ．ｙï½ï½•ã€€ï½ƒï½ï½Žã€€ï½ƒï½ï½Œï½Œã€€ï½ã€€ï½†ï½‰ï½“ｈ　ï½ã€€ï¼‡ï½„ï½ï½‡ï¼‚but if it walks like a dog and barks like a dog its DOG![what is going on with my computer …????]
Some kind of weird thing that made that text look that way …don’t know I　ï½ï½ã€€ï½ï½Žã€€ï½ã€€ï½“ｔｒï½ï½Žï½‡ï½…　ｃï½ï½ï½ï½•ï½”ｅｒ　ｔï½ã€€ï½ï½…
I sent an email to your address but for some reason it was forwarded back as un deliverable so for now I will just post this here.
Hello I saw your article on how blended families usually don’t work etc. I am working on a website so I can repeal no fault divorce in the USA. I was wondering if you know any adult children of divorce that would like to share their stories on the website they can do it anonymously if they would like. I was wondering if I could link to your frankenstein blended family article on our website because it was really good. Most people think that children of divorce are resilient and that divorce won’t effect them as adults etc. Thanks so much for your time I appreciate it I understand if your too busy to respond back.
Erin,
I hate that the email didn’t work. I will see what is going on. I can be reached at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com .
Feel free to link to the article. I will keep your post up so that people can share their stories.
In terms of being ‘too busy’ I don’t mean to give that impression. I always make it a point to make time for emails and posts. Your time and attention are important to me.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff