Although having ‘full honesty’ sounds like a good idea to you, is it something that you really want or can handle? Having full honesty means that the cheater is totally honest with you and you with them.
Honesty is a good thing with many benefits. Although it’s beneficial, I’ve found that it often has to be taken in small doses.
Full gut level honesty is something that most people can only handle a little at a time. It’s powerful, and transformative.
It can and does change relationships. Although it has the power to change relationships in a very radical way, most people can only stay at that level of relationship for a few moments at a time.
It’s not that they don’t want the honesty. They do. You want that honesty. You crave that kind of honesty.
Since it’s so powerful, we (that includes you and me) can only handle a little at a time due to its potency. It sounds ideal to consider living a whole life with that kind of honesty.
Although it sounds good, that kind of honesty often opens flood gates within yourself and those around you. Most people are unprepared to handle the flood gates that full-honesty on a full time basis brings.
It means that there is no room for small talk and niceties. It means that you tell others and they tell you what they are really thinking and feeling without censorship or filters.
When that happens you get more information than is needed. You get the debris along with the genuine article.
Raw feelings have both the good stuff and the passing garbage. All the flotsam and jetsam that comes with day to day living is unleashed.
Just because you feel something does not mean that you’re going to act on it, or that it is ‘real’. Being emotionally real and being emotionally honest are two distinctly different things.
If you don’t know the difference, then you’re in for a rocky time.
So this takes me back to my original question. “How much honesty do you want?” You may want to include what kind of honesty you want as well, knowing that real honesty and emotional honesty are two different things.
Real honesty is about what the significant emotions are, what is important, what you are focused on and what you will take action on. It separates fantasy, flotsam and jetsam from the ‘real thing’.
Honesty is one of the ingredients that makes up trust. If you want more trust in your marriage, the video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?’ guides you in rebuilding any trust that’s been lost.
Best Regards,
Jeff
