A visit with family members over the weekend, reminded me how destructive secrets are in families. Families are filled with secrets, including yours.
Those secrets have consequences. Although you keep things secret in order to ‘protect’, those things that you haven’t talked about end up causing more problems than would have occurred had they been disclosed. Just the keeping of the secrets is destructive.
Those secrets transform in to trust breaking barriers. Instead of candy coatings, each secret is surrounded by layers of lies. Truth be told more lies are told regarding keeping the secret, than the secret itself contains.
Those family secrets fracture family loyalties. You start looking at family members in terms of who knows and who can be trusted rather than in regards to their relationship to you.
Over time ‘keeping the lies’ becomes more important than family bonds. When that happens, the lie has destroyed your family.
Sure, your gang still takes family portraits together and has reunions, but the family bond and ties have been destroyed. The trust that once made up a big part of the ties is gone.
When the family bonds are ‘under pressure’ or have been destroyed, family gatherings produce more stress than they offer support. There are stressful family times related to the holidays, yet instead of stress being focused on how we can work together, it becomes more about ‘how do we keep the secret?’
If your family is more focused on ‘keeping the secret’ than on how to help each other or work together, it should tell you something.
If your marriage is struggling with secrets and broken trust, there’s hope. The video “How Can I Trust You Again?” guides you in rebuilding broken trust. Yes, those bonds can be rebuilt.
You can once again enjoy family times and share without having to worry about who knows what details.
Best Regards,
Jeff
