One of the truisms that I have come to appreciate is that “Desperate people do desperate things“. Keeping this in mind will help you navigate your way through affair recovery.
When the lover is desperate, they do things that you never expected. Those people who seem normal and nice resort to extreme tactics when they’re desperate.
There’s many reasons for desperation. Common reasons are the need for love, money attention or sex. When the lover experiences a state of ‘need’ they will begin lashing out in desperation.
When they’re desperate they aren’t being logical, they’re not being ‘realistic’, they are not being mature.
They’re desperate.Think of a drowning person desperate for air kind of action. They are fighting for survival.
You’ll need to recognize this if you’re trying to understand them. Until their desperation subsides, you will not be able to reason with them.
Attempting to reason with someone who is desperate is an exercise in futility. It will frustrate you and them, making them even more desperate.
This means that a needy or desperate lover is a bigger threat to your marriage than a ‘recreational’ lover.
This also means that a desperate mind will come up with solutions that you never dreamed of. Most of their solutions will focus on baser needs or highly emotional solutions and not consider higher level needs.
If you have trouble understanding them, it is not because you are dumb. It is probably due to you not grasping their level of desperation.
The solution of the desperate lover will correlate with the intensity of their desperation. The more desperation they are in, the more extreme solution they will seek out, and the more extreme they will be in doing things.
When people are desperate, resorting to lying, stealing and hurting are no big deal. They are numb to many hurts. When their desperation is screaming at them, they will not hear you talking about your hurts or your sense of fairness, etc.
They only know the monster of their desperation and how it wants to be fed.
Knowing the simple truth that ‘desperate people do desperate things’ can help you, especially during the Christmas season. Holidays often bring out the awareness of desperation. Do not be surprised if they try something desperate over the Christmas holidays.
One of the areas damaged by desperate acts is trust. With everything that’s happened, you’ll have trouble trusting your spouse and just about everyone else. The video “How Can I Trust You Again?” deals with this situation along with ways of moving past it.
You can trust again along with regain the security you thought was long gone. Click the link and within minutes you can start rebuilding what you thought was lost.
Best Regards,
Jeff
