When it came time for Maria to ask for forgiveness, she asked herself “How much should I tell him?” She struggled with whether or not to tell her husband all the details she remembered about her affair.
She didn’t want to hurt her husband, but she wanted to clear the air. She wanted the honesty, she wanted to confess, yet how much can he handle?
Maria agonized over the question to the point she had trouble sleeping. Her husband, Hector wanted to ‘know everything’. She knew that if Hector knew everything, he would have trouble forgiving her. Maria wanted a clean start over, yet wondered how clean it would be if she ‘came clean’.
She knew she had to be honest with someone and confess what she did, all those intrusive thoughts and all the overwhelming feelings. Maria finally decided to pray about the whole matter. She was familiar with the ‘approved’ and memorized prayers.
Like the words of a song, she could recite them by memory. She needed something more than that. This time, she used her prayer to open up her heart to God. She opened up about everything without any go-between or observer. It was just her and God.
She confessed it all. What she did, what she fantasized about, what she dwelt on, along with the feelings she experienced. She addressed her anger, her fears and the struggle she has with inadequacy. She knew enough about love to know that choice is involved.
It was not just a matter of feelings get turned on and that she couldn’t help herself. She was a big girl and knew that such thinking was more junior-high emotional high kind of stuff. “That’s the stuff of love addicts”. She knew that she was not a “Love addict junkie”.
After confessing everything to God, she felt some relief. She also had more clarity in her thinking. It became clearer what she needed to say to Hector, and how much to confess.
She realized she needed honesty, yet not pornographic honesty. Her confession was about coming clean, not reliving the whole episode. This was not a rehearsal, it was a confession.
You may have found yourself in a similar struggle as the one faced by Maria. She faced a difficult situation and found a way of dealing with it. It was not magical, it was not instantaneous. She struggled through it.
Through that struggle she learned things about herself and what she needed in terms of honesty. Knowing how much to say to who often poses a challenge. Maria found a way through the emotional maze she was faced with.
Will you find a way through your emotional maze of confession and forgiveness?
Best Regards,
Jeff
