Will it improve your intimacy?

The simple question, “Will it improve your intimacy?” can change things. If cheaters considered this question, it would change their thinking. If would-be cheaters considered this question, they would give up dangerous ideas.

I view intimacy as the close, intimate and exclusive bond between a husband and wife.  This special bond transcends physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions.

Even swingers would change their actions if they honestly answered the question without twisting the meanings of the words. The swinging community often splits off physical intimacy from emotional intimacy. There is also a connecting of the term to intensity of experience rather then intimacy being about a unique relationship and the closeness associated with it.

If you honestly considered if swinging improves the unique and special bond of exclusive intimacy between you and your spouse, you see it in a new light.

Will your actions increase or decrease the special unique bond the two of you share?

Let’s examine what this simple question is about. When considering any action, examining it through the lens of intimacy helps you make better choices.

First, the question has you considering that your choices have consequences. Each of your choices has consequences. This may be a shock to some people who live life as if their choices will never have fallout or consequences.

Bad choices are often the result of faulty reasoning. Decisions made based on immediate gratification rather than consequences never turn out well. Realizing that there are consequences to choices is a good start in waking yourself up and making better choices.

Next, consider that your choices impact your relationships. Each choice impacts your relationship in either a positive or negative manner. Your choices change your relationships.

Relationship wrecking choices often come from thinking that your choices have no bearing on your marriage. When you don’t see the connection, you don’t see the dangers.

The final part is that of intimacy. Each choice you make either draws the two of you closer or pushes the two of you further apart. Intimacy grows or shrinks based on your choices.

Realizing that simple choices are behind the amount of intimacy you have changes the choices you make. That realization also wakes you up to the importance of intimacy in your marriage.

One of the challenges facing swingers is that they are used to the intensity of their experience. The sensations are often so strong that the intensity is confused with intimacy. This leads to mistaken ideas about intimacy.

Sure they have had intense experience and passionate moments, but intimacy is more than that. True intimacy is about sharing with each other and feeling that your bond with each other is something special. It is about the sense of connection between the two of you.

Rather than waking up to the shock  that the intimacy is gone one day, when you have a daily awareness, you make better choices. When you nurture intimacy on a daily basis, you can keep it alive and vibrant.

So remember the question, “Will it improve your intimacy?”

You can find out more ways of repairing, rekindling and rebuilding your intimacy in the Affair Recovery Workshop, even if there has not been an affair.

Best Regards,

Jeff

PS-If you are a swinger and find yourself facing ‘relationship trauma’, the new webinar on “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers” is designed for the unique needs and challenges of your unique issues. Being in and out of relationships takes its toll. Don’t let it take its toll on your emotions, your health or the relationships that are important to you.