Social media has a way of sucking you in. I know the other day, while glancing at some items, I found myself getting sucked into one of those online arguments on facebook.
Part of me thought that Kyle was wrong in some of the things he posted. The discussion started innocent enough. He actually asked me about my reasoning behind a response I posted.
Boy! Was I wrong, Kyle wasn’t interested in what I had to say. He wanted me to reply in order to ambush me with his viewpoint. It was one of those episodes where if I didn’t see the world like he does, I’m wrong.
He was tricky in using terms that appeared intellectually honest. Once I feel for his trap, and his asking me for the reasoning behind my response. I found myself blasted with emotional jargon.
Fortunately, I came to my senses and pulled out of the discussion. I saw that he wasn’t actually open to reason or logic other than his own.
He had an agenda and wasn’t interested in open discussion. I was nothing more than another victim of the sticky word web trap he set.
It was hard resisting responding to his snarky friends who added “FTW” to their comments (For The Win). It felt like I was in an echo chamber filled with the friends of Kyle.
Reflecting on that episode, I realize that I just got sucked into a situation that like those happening with the ‘big talks’ regarding affairs. One party was trying to force another person to listen to them.
You may have tried getting your spouse to ‘listen’ to you, even when it meant calling them back after they hung up on you. They listened and reacted. That reaction is a message as well.
Calling them back in order to have them ‘listen’ some more is asking for more reactions.
You call it ‘listening to you’, but in reality it’s more often you want them to see things your way. The anger kicks in when they have a viewpoint different than your own. “How dare they!” echoes through your mind.
You may have even raised your voice while getting them to listen to you. If you were really desperate you resorted to name calling.
Kyle wasn’t really interested in what I had to say, he lured me into an ambush. If your idea of listening is actually an ambush to punish them or getting them in agreement with you, all you’ll get is angry looks and harsh words.
There are ways of getting people to listen, but this wasn’t it.
One of the problems with this practice of forcing your spouse to listen to you is that it becomes a habit. You can get stuck in that way of reacting to your marriage problems.
We are all creatures of habit who continue doing what we’ve always done until someone makes a change.
One way you can start making changes is by getting out of the ‘Affair Trauma’ mindset. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in getting past this sticking point and others. Those bad habits can be overcome and your relationship make positive changes.
Best Regards,
Jeff
