A recent headline on the topic of infidelity caught my attention. It stated “Why cheating on your partner may not be so bad”. The headline did what it was supposed to. It caught my attention and had me reading the article.
In many ways, it was a promotion for a new book on infidelity coming out by affair guru, Esther Perel. Around here, I often refer to her as ‘Esther Peril‘, since you follow her relationship advice ‘at your own peril’. Plus, I thought it was a clever play on her name.
I’m often suspect when the mainstream media promotes new gurus. When you see several publications all promoting the same person at the same time, I start smelling a rat.
At times the guru is a rat, at other times, it’s those promoting the guru that have rat-like intentions.
She makes some astute observations, which I agree with. Points like “People today turn to romantic love for things they used to turn to religion for” and “infidelity doesn’t always lead to the dissolution of a marriage” are spot on.
It’s in the details of her material that I struggle. My dad often told me “Pay attention to the details.” Given that he was a rocket scientist, he was onto something. I notice those little details.
It’s in examining the details, that I see the dangers.
Statements implying that monogamy is probably not natural, or that ‘the meaning of infidelity used to be something completely different than it is today’ or that ‘marriage was invented for economic reasons’ bother me.
I just happen to believe the Biblical account of how marriage was instituted by God, that monogamy is natural and that infidelity has evil components.
Remember that what is ‘evil’ is not always malicious. Affairs are one of those things that often starts with selfish passions rather than malicious intents. Although the intention wasn’t evil, the results were.
Having different foundational ideas produces different outcomes. Although each of us helps people like you in dealing with affairs, you’ll end up at different places depending on whose ideas you follow. The details really are important.
When your marriage relationship is at stake, some of those ‘details’ become important. There’s a huge difference between someone claiming that ‘nothing really holds the family together today except for the happiness of the couple’ versus ‘faith in God’s promises concerning marriage and the bonding on many levels that hold family together’.
When I’m going through tough times, I need something stronger to hold onto in my marriage than just the happiness of Peggy and myself. That’s why in the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop’, I share proven tools and techniques of turning your marriage around.
I know the importance of a solid foundation and solid promises when a marriage is on shaky ground. When there’s an affair impacting your marriage, you need something stronger than just what makes you happy.
Best Regards,
Jeff
