When do people cheat?

Researchers of human relationships continue debating what percentage of couples have affairs. Data ranges from 10-40% depending on the study. Surveys in women’s magazines often report higher numbers than when researchers are asking people face to face. Surveys show that even some women and men who hold to values opposed to infidelity have crossed the line and participated in infidelity. With all these conflicting results, it is often difficult to obtain a clear picture of how prevalent it is, and what percentage of men cheat.

When you are faced with having to deal with it, knowing the numbers does not make the pain go away any faster. The numbers do not excuse adultery, nor do they make it more palitable. Despite the limited usefulness of such numbers, people continue wanting to know what the numbers are concerning affairs.

One area that many people have not explored, yet does have ramifications is when an affair occurs. Affairs that occur in the midst of marriage trouble are vastly different than an affair that occurs at the end of a marriage or even after the decision was made to file for divorce.  Each of these require different approaches from situations where the affair occurred and ended years before it was found out. The handling of an ended affair calls for a different approach compared to one where the affair is currently underway. Then there is also how to handle an affair by one spouse after the other spouse likewise had an affair. Although as humans, we want a skeleton key, one size fits all type of answer to such situations, they do not exist.

What does exist is the ability to ask questions. Rather than repeating the “why?” mantra, questions like when did the affair occur?, how did the affair occur? or What do you want the affair to accomplish would provide more useful information and help you make better choices.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah