It is disconcerting that many couples who experience infidelity may have contributed to it occurring. The question quickly arises, “How?” In response to the question, let us look at several areas.
1) Have you encouraged infidelity through amusement? Do the movies you watch and the music you listen to promote or encourage infidelity? Sometimes people have surrounded themselves with entertainment that actually encourages such behavior without even realizing this. Since it is seen as entertainment, it is often tolerated. That toleration wears away at the resistance to the whole idea of an affair.
2) Have you made joking or suggestive comments regarding affairs? There are times that spouses interpret such jokes and suggestions as tacit approval for an affair.
3) Have you tried to get you partner more interested in your physical attributes than in you? By drawing focus and attention to your physical attributes, you may have inadvertently ‘trained’ your spouse to respond to those attributes, even when they are on other people. Ideally you want your spouse to be focused on you, the real you, the inner soul of you, the personality of who you are, not what your physical attributes are.
4) Do you ignore your spouse and their needs? Ignoring your spouse and their needs may emotionally force them to look elsewhere to get their needs met.
5) Do you surround yourself with friends and associates that tolerate or even promote affairs? Although you may enjoy them because they are fun, you went to school with them or grew up with them, if they are promoting a lifestyle that is a threat to your marriage, keeping them around is potentially dangerous.
6) Do you admire adulterers? Admiring such people can lead to later emulation of their behaviors.
These are some of the ways couples may be creating an environment conducive to an affair occurring without even realizing it.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
