I was astounded to read an article from Australia in which the author, Kaysar Trad actually advocated polygamy as a ‘cure’ for infidelity. Talk about “Hair of the Dog” mentality, such suggestions would worsen rather than improve the situation. Part of the damage done to the affair is in the area of trust. The way to repair that trust is NOT with more sexual promiscuity, but rather commitment and communication with one’s spouse. Having multiple relations only further alienates spouses. When I have dealt with ‘swingers’ or manage a trois couples, they consistently report that the relationship worsened, with them feeling more distant from their spouse after that occurred.
I agree with Kaysar’s observation that monogamy has its share of problems, but the solution is NOT more of what led up to the problem. Such wrong headed thinking is what often leads alcoholics to have a good stiff morning drink in order to overcome the hangover from the previous nights abuse of alcohol (referring to it as the ‘hair of the dog’). Such approaches do NOT work with alcohol addiction. They only make it worse. Likewise acting out sexually with other partners is not going to fix the damage from an affair. If anything it will open the door to increased likelihood of sexual addictions and all the problems that go with such behaviors.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
I am a lady 39)ears old, I have been in a relationship for 15years with my 56 paartner,we are not yet married,no children but he has kids from his previous relationship.we don’t leave together for the past 4 years due to some serious legal issue,one os is on a run but we visit one another once or twice yearly,I am still faithful to my patner but he is leaving with a 32 year lady for a year now and he want a polygamy affair.the problem that I am facing is I love the guy and I could see that my love for him is base on the past memories,I am no longer happy with him,he doesn’t have time with me,he avoid me,he hardly call me,I can’t even remember when last he told me he loves me or just to say I miss you.when even we meet,I will be high for him but he always have excusses,tired or not feeling well,or he is stress ,in most cases he tells me that I should solve my issue then we can be happy.an issue which has been there for 8years.we build our lives together and now he lives with the woman in our house.kindly advise me.I am scared to move on.what should I do.I am totaly miserable.help.
Faith,
The situation you are in is a tough one. I can see how you would feel torn. One of the problems with polygamy is that of commitment. There is often little or no commitment to the marriage. If you want commitment, and security, polygamy is not the option to choose. Your description sounds like a relationship where your partner receives the benefits with little to no commitment. Over the years, there has been emotional bonding and attachment, but you are more attached to him than he attached to you. Sure the two of you shared some good times, but your partner seems to be more interested in having a good time right now and those past times do not mean as much to them as they do to you. You may want to consider whether it is better to be miserable now and live with the comfort of your memories, or face your fears and risk new options in a relationship that is focused on you and your needs. Both have risks. You could also try working things out with your partner to where they are loyal only to you, but I do not see much hope for that right now.