In coping with the pain of an affair, it is common for some people to go about gaining all the details and information about what happened. Before going on a hunt for the sordid details, you need to be honest with yourself. What is your reason for wanting the details? What will having the details fix? If your actions do not fix or improve things, then it is likely doing just the opposite. It sets up a strange twist where you find yourself angry at your spouse for violating trust, when you have also just violated trust by seeking out all the sordid details. Once you have the details, it often becomes a nightmare that will not go away, but rather comes back day after day in living Technicolor due to the details you have embellished it with.
What is often going down is the substituting of information for intimacy. if it is intimacy that you actually crave, seek that. Substituting information for intimacy will still leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled, but now with a nightmare to boot. This substitution is like settling for pudding when you really want strawberry short cake. The pudding is sweet, it tastes good, but it will not satisfy the longing for strawberry short cake. If you crave strawberry short cake, that is what you need to be looking for.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
