Affairs are expensive. They are costly in both time and money. I have been amazed at how those having affairs are caught up in a blind drive of both self-seeking passion and self-destruction. When in the midst of the affair, they are blind to the cost of what is happening. They are blind to the effect of their action in both time and money. It is as if they are in a fugue sate, or in another world. While in that state, spending money or time on their lover is not a problem for them at all. It seems that they look forward to solving problems of how to see their lover. They lavish them with gifts, thinking little of the price or the consequences.
When they come out of it, they report being “out of it”. I have heard them tell of being in almost a hypnotic trance while in the midst of the affair. While your spouse in in such a state, they are not capable of being rational. Before you approach them with logic, they need to wake up. Once they are awake and capable of logic, then you can attempt reasoning with them. The length of time they are in this trance varies with each affair situation. Some spouses do not wake up until after the divorce, but then it is too late. The lover also tried to trap them and hold them with emotional and psychological chains on their body, heart, mind and time. Once they wake up, it is often even more expensive to try to escape the situation they are now in. It concerns me that so many sites that address affairs, actually encourage people to seek divorces in the aftermath of an affair, while people are not thinking straight. Here also, by the time, the couple wakes up to what has occurred, the damage has already been done.
Before you consider divorce, whether you are the resolute or adulterous spouse, wake up and count the cost, BEFORE you sign on the dotted line. What seems to be a quick fix, often has a large price tag.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
