In order for you to rebuild your marriage after the affair, you should assume responsibility for your actions. Rather than making excuses, accept responsibility. You will not reap any benefits by saying that your wife is no longer the same person you know or that she rarely connects with you anymore. Accept responsibility for your part in what has happened, ask for forgiveness and start rebuilding your marriage.
If you withdrew from them-admit it!
If you are holding a grudge-admit it!
If you avoid them-admit it!
In order to rebuild trust you will need to stop lying Start accepting responsibility and show that you can be trusted. This is the surest way for you to become trustworthy. Keep in mind that your spouse is wary now and the trust given you is very fragile and temporary unless you show that you are trustworthy. If you continue to lie, you will be found out and that will be more painful for your spouse.
Cut all connections with the person you had an affair with. Making excuses to prolong the relationship with your paramour only prolongs the pain. By severing the connections, you show that you are sincere in rebuilding your marriage. Not only would you get the trust of your spouse but you also build an inner integrity, which is very important in your character. As evidence that you have cut off your connections with the third party, answer the questions of your spouse truthfully each time she asks.
Be present at home. When your spouse and your kids see you at home most of the time, they will know that you care for them and that you are no longer being drawn away by the third party. Go on and rebuild your marriage and your life, too.
