Surviving an affair may feel like becoming a survivor of a war. You and your spouse may feel battered, uncertain, anxious and afraid of what’s going to happen with your marriage. Depending on the two of you, however, you can rebuild your marriage and discover that there is life after an affair. The experience may take longer if there has been physical abuse on top of the affair.
You both need to understand that there are things you cannot change such as the reality that the affair occurred. You can not go back into the past. Although you want things like they were, you can not go back there. The relationship can be repaired and intimacy restored, yet that is not the same as going back to the way you were. There is no time machine nor amnesia-inducing drug that could make you forget the affair. It is a scar that will remind you of its presence. More importantly, though, there are things that you can change. There is hope for your marriage if you and your spouse are willing to work it out and you affirm your love for each other.
Rebuild the trust between the two of you. This is not an easy undertaking. Trust is a very fragile thing. Once given and broken, it is very difficult to restore. But difficult does not mean impossible. The only way for trust to be given is to show that you are worthy of such trust. Keep your promises and be true to your word. When you start living up to your word, your spouse will take notice and will start giving you her trust again.
