Telling the children about an affair is a heart wrenching matter. It is not easy to tell them without the rage and intense hurt spilling over. As a parent you also want to avoid explicit details and adult language to describe what occurred. The pain of hearing about an affair is painful enough. Turing the “let’s sit down and talk time” into a family auction where the pieces of the home and members of the family are taken apart is not good either.
As a parent you will want to be factual, without name calling, patronizing or candy coating in addressing the matter. Focus on being age appropriate. Telling a 5-year old that “daddy had an affair” will not register. It is also not good to tell a 16-year old, “Mommy did something really bad”. Although the feelings are intense, avoid the name calling. Name calling can backfire. If you intensely attack the disloyal spouse, some children will rally to that spouse solely based on the tendency to protect the weaker parent out of instinct.
Before having “the big meeting”, pray. Ask God for wisdom in what to say and how to say it. Recall that an affair does not automatically mean the end of the marriage or family.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
