Another strategy often used by stalkers is that of ‘the bandwagon”. This strategy involves when the stalker tries to isolate their victim. During the efforts to isolate them, they often try to make their target believe that they are ‘weird’ for not giving in to the stalker. They will use peer pressure and other techniques to make the victim believe that they are the only one NOT having an affair. This is what is behind many of the contemporary television shows and movies that portray affairs as something that everyone who is cool is doing. Even the mainstream press and the internet make it look like having an affair is cool. By not having an affair, the message is sent that they are not cool, or not following the trend. Since many people want to be accepted, this threat of non-acceptance is often used to pressure or manipulate them into the desired behavior. It amounts to “Everybody is doing it!” and you are weird for not doing it.
It is important in confronting affairs, to recognize such manipulative behavior for what it is. It is an attempt at tricking the victim into having an affair. Another variation of this is the ‘pity affair’ . In the pity affair, the stalker portrays themselves as the victim of some bad event. They seek out the victim as a way of comforting them during their ‘loss’. By shedding tears, they arouse pity, all in the name of getting into someone’s pants.
There are other unique variations of the ‘everybody is doing it!’, with the desired outcome remaining the same. In confronting affairs, you will need to recognize the game playing and manipulative behaviors for what they are.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
