A couple of weeks ago I received an email raising questions about affairs from a different perspective. Hearing from her was refreshing. She exhibited a conscientiousness I’d like to see more of.
She wrote, “As the almost 3rd point in a virtual triangle/emotional affair (he reached out to me over social media over several weeks & of course lied about his marital status so I cut him off *immediately* upon learning that withheld fact). I am wondering if there are resources available for the 3rd person to get better at spotting potential cheaters as soon as possible & prevent this from happening again?”
Her concern about ‘spotting potential cheaters’ is worth bringing to your attention. There are some spouses who are ‘on the prowl’ for playmates with little regard for who they hurt.
In the cases of prowling spouses, there’s a huge gap between who they really are and who they pretend to be. Although the label is not heard often these days, the old term ‘poser’ is descriptive of them. If you want a good Bible word for these types, the term ‘double-minded’ fits.
The poser spouse can be charming. In terms of spotting them, look for discrepancies in how they present themselves. One way you can find those areas is through testing or checking what they tell you.
Although they may cry “You don’t trust me!” on discovering your checking up, the truth is you have only known them a short while and they have given you no reason to trust them.
When they lie about their marital status, it’s not a big stretch for them to lie about other issues in their life as well. In all likelihood, there’s probably a whole den of lies surrounding the avatar they are presenting to their next targets and the world.
These posers pick up on what you are looking for and attempt delivering it. If you come across a situation that looks too good, it likely is. This puts romance addicts in a tough place. They come across their ‘ideal’ which puts them in a strain between the joy of their ideal relationship verses the heartache of reality.
Romance addicts are vulnerable when it comes to prowling spouses. The interaction of these two is intense although not worth the drama.
If you’ve been burned by one of these potential cheaters, there’s a good chance you have some concerns about trust. In the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?” I deal with ways of rebuilding trust and what’s involved.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
