The affair in your head is more difficult to end than the one in ‘real life’. Part of the reason is that with the cheating, the cheater’s mind and the mind of their spouse were changed—permanently.
New connections were formed inside their brain. Those new connections l stay long after the lover is gone in real life.
The lover in your head is more dangerous because they don’t follow the rules, you cannot ask them to leave and they can step back into someone’s life at a moment’s notice. When you least expect it, be it during a dream at night or at the grocery store, -Pop!-There they are. Right where and when you don’t want them.—-So how do you rid yourself of them?
Rather than fight them or get revenge on them or tell them git!, you need a different approach. With the lover in your head, you need a two prong attack.
The fist step is to ignore them. The more you give into them, the greater the influence and power they’ll have in your life. Even resisting them gives them power.
This is why overcoming the affair through sheer will power is doomed to fail. The more you use will power, the stronger the resistance becomes in staying active in your brain.
The second step is ‘Creating new brain connections’ with your spouse that are stronger than the ones with the lover in your head. It is a counter-intuitive, one-two punch. When used and used consistently it will diminish the lover in your head.
The third is to stop fantasizing. Fantasizing about the affair only strengthens the connections made in your brain. The longer you fantasize about it, the more powerful lit becomes.
This is why I take a ‘different approach’ in the Affair Recovery Workshop in dealing with affairs, which I call the ‘Direct Connect’ Method. You need a whole new set of connections with your spouse. You need ways of making stronger connection with your spouse, rather than the two of you drifting apart.
You could spend your time debating what kind of affair it was along with your motives for what you did, OR you could start working on changing your relationship with your spouse.
You can start changing those connections in your brain. There are proven ways of doing that, which I show you in the workshop.
Best Regards,
Jeff
