Cheaters know that seduction begins in the mind. The cheater seduces their target with words and looks.
The affair starts in the head and then works its magic in the bed. (I know the target/lover also plays their part by allowing themselves to be seduced, but more on that later). Part of the mental seduction is word play.
Jokes with sexual orientation, sexual talk and using phrases with double-meanings are one of the ways cheaters seduce their target.
This mental seduction is a way of softening up the target. It weakens their resistance.
Alcohol and drugs also weaken their defenses, yet experienced cheaters know the power of words to seduce. Once the target is fantasizing about sex and talking about sex, it is only a short jump to shift that to talking about sex with the cheater.
Once the talk shifts to talking sex with the cheater, the seeds of the fantasy are planted. The seeds are watered with increasing the level of emotional intensity.
Once aroused in one area of emotions, it’s easy shifting to the sexual talk as well. Since the mind doesn’t sort out good and bad arousal, it quickly shifts from one type to another. All the cheater has to do is shift it to sexual arousal.
Then it is only a matter of giving the emotions time to percolate and viola! Infidelity.
So now you have sex talk -> sex with cheater talk –> emotional arousal –> sexual arousal with cheater –> Infidelity!
So, the question arises, are sexual talk and jokes bad? Yes.
They’re not just innocent word play. It’s the softening up of seduction.
The sexual jokes are used in feeling out their defenses and preparing them for the act of seduction.
There are some who are so used to seducing, that they engage in such talk all the time. I have seen this with some sex addicts.
They often don’t know that they are seducing, since they’re so used to using that as their way of dealing with people.
No matter what the motivation behind it is, sexual talk is an early warning sign of trouble ahead. Close cousins of sexual talk are talking about underwear and swapping sexy photos.
When you are needing direction in handling situations and problems, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll have access to our programs and forums for discussing your concerns.
Best Regards,
Jeff
6 Responses
So true….well put…
AND
“let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable unto you O Lord’
Good dynamic to keep it pure….of course purity begins in the mind and in our society that takes proactive effort …putting on the whole armor of GOD as Ephesians tells us .
Good to consider ….a LOT!
THANK YOU JEFF!!
Zaza,
Thank you for your kind words. It is always encouraging to hear from you.
I have found your posts right on. I appreciate you making these available for people like me who have been incredibly hurt by the spouse’s affair. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how this all happened. How does a person allow themselves to have a relationship with another while married? I just don’t understand. In trying to understand it I’m tempted to do it myself to see how it happened. Not a revenge affair, but an affair to understand the anatomy of the affair that broke my heart. Have you dealt with this before?
Stormy,
I have seen the urge to have an affair in response to the cheater’s affair. What I have not seen are those persons having the same motivations. The most common motivation is that of revenge, followed by being ‘fair’. I may do a post on the ‘fair’ thing since the couple has a mental score card where they keep track of who owes who what. I may also address your concern as well. Thank you for commenting and sharing.
Maybe it is revenge I feel. You have posted many articles that help me intellectually understand how the affair likely happened, but emotionally, what applies to my nagging thoughts and feelings is still hurt confusion. Maybe if I recreate what spouse did, I would “feel” exactly what spouse did, and know how this can happen. Sounds like revenge I guess. Is a revenge affair worse than a spontaneous affair?
Stormy,
Whether they are revenge affairs or spontaneous ones, they bring consequences. There are some things that are best understood at a distance. I often classify affairs in that category, along with suicide, exorcism, self-flagellation and other acts that can not be easily undone once they are done.
With an affair, you create mental, emotional and spiritual bonding between you and the lover. Once they form, they are there. Their impact can be diminished over time, but never eliminated.