What about the cheaters who say that they are victims? Some cheaters are victims, some just use ‘victimhood’ as an easy out. I know from my own life how easy you can get stuck in a situation. When I was still dating, I met a woman which I went out with a couple of times. The last time we went on a date, we eventually ended up at her apartment after our outing. While there, she finally informed me that she was married, and that her husband was in prison. The news shot through me like electricity. I had my wits enough to know that I did not need a married woman, I also did not need a criminal husband hunting me down. She had never given any indication that she was married prior to that. No ring, no comments, no hints. I was blown away.
I did not stick around after that. I hopped into my little car and left the apartment. That episode remains fresh in my mind as some cheaters do not let the victims know what is going on until it is too late and they are emotionally involved.
Then there are those who use victim-hood to escape accountability. These were the ones who allowed themselves to get involved, all the while knowing where things would eventually lead. They suspected that the person they had been seeing or allowing to get closer to them was married, but never asked. They wanted to stay drunk or stoned so that they had an excuse and would give into their urges rather than remain clear headed. In such cases, they are more the victim of their own actions and thoughts than the other persons.
So when you hear, “But I am the victim!”, you will need to hear them out. On hearing them out, listen for the choices they made. Your gut will let you know if they were truly caught in something where there were no warning signals or whether they allowed themselves to be set up.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
