If you are wondering what you could have done to stop the affair, in most cases, the simplest answer is ‘time’. Many of the couples that end up in my office look up at me with tearful eyes wanting to know what they could have done differently. In over 90% of the cases, when I start talking with them about their marriage relationship, they often spent five hours or less with each other during a weeks time. You can not maintain a healthy, close marriage with such a limited amount of time together. It is no wonder that affairs happen to couples where their contact is limited to passing each other during the day with occasional meals and TV together. Marriages need more than that. You need time with your spouse, they need time with you. You need time enjoying each other, and doing things together, not merely vegeging in front of the television.
If you are looking for one thing that can make a difference, try time. In most cases, the channels of communication are opened. When you are talking with each other, you can know what is going on. When you are not spending time with each other, you can rest assured that you are not talking with each other.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
5 Responses
The Unchanging Word
Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving;
My warrant is the Word of God–
Naught else is worth believing.
Though all my heart should feel condemned
For want of some sweet token,
There is One greater than my heart
Whose Word cannot be broken.
I’ll trust in God’s unchanging Word,
Till soul and body sever,
For, though all things shall pass away,
His Word shall stand forever.
-author unknown
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing that poem. Sharing poetry is becoming a lost art form. I enjoyed it.
You are welcome….:>D
My husband and I appear to outsiders as inseparable …..he tells me he misses me when he is at work, he holds my hand across tables in restaurants, we never lack for anything to talk about, yet he continues to take out online dating profiles. Even after I told him that I would take that action as meaning he didn’t care so why would I ask him about it. The fact he did it tells me everything. So we continue to have the two sided relationship.
Jane,
The interest in online profiles is not a good sign. It sounds like he is being ‘double-minded’, where he wants the best of both worlds. He wants the security he has with you, but also appears to want MORE. I am not sure what the MORE is, whether it is excitement, activity, or just the thrill of the hunt. In some cases, when spouses are afraid of intimacy, they use affairs to create distance. You may have to find out what he is looking for with the online profiles, WITHOUT endorsing the behavior. You want to discover the motivation behind it without indulging in his fantasy, since many men will view the indulgence as approval.
JM