Marriages and families have histories. Even when they end, the history remains. Those are real people who are relegated to designations such as ‘my first wife’ or ‘my first husband’. When the marriages took place, everyone was full of hopes and dreams. Few thought that their marriage would end up falling apart. When cheating is part of those histories, there is often a revision of family history. Much like political correctness, the cheater changes what happened, the reasons for things happening and realigns the facts. Victimhood is used as an excuse for doing what they did. Somehow since they were cheated on, or their spouse drank or used drugs or (fill in the blank), it made it alright for them to cheat. When you hear that from a perspective spouse, you should have run for the hills. Did it occur to you, that there is always a reason for the drinking, drug use or cheating in the first place? Somehow that part gets revised. Since it may hurt someone’s feelings, it is swept aside for something more pleasant and smooth sounding.
The more the cheater tells their version, the more engrained it becomes and the more they believe it themselves. It is as if they had brainwashed themselves into believing a version of their earlier lives that never happened that way. There are also times that other family members join in the revision of events, since cheaters often have a support system within the family as well.
So before you believe their version without asking questions, remember that instead of dealing with X-people, as if they were fictitious comic book creations, that they were real people with real motives behind their choices.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
