Although common sense tells you that sex and procreation are linked. The two go together. I recall hearing old women often say in a sarcastic tone when they encounter someone with a large family, “Don’t they know what causes that!” or some other snide remark. The two are linked in many ways. Despite their being linked, the philosophy of modern society along with pharmacies, the adult entertainment industry and others advocate that you can separate sex and procreation. Technology has made it possible to intervene and separate the two. With either operations, birth control, abortions or other methods, society has intervened.
By intervening in the sex-procreation link, they have actually created a nightmare. When there is no potential of procreation, sex becomes a recreational activity. When sex becomes recreational, the cheater views going out for an affair similar to going out to play baseball with the guys or some other social activity. I can understand how the cheater can think in such a way. When sex is no longer special, it becomes recreational. When sex is recreational, what makes it different than sports or entertainment? When you believe that you have a right to personal fulfillment and you like sex, combining the two would be an easy assumption.
Yes, technology has separated sex and procreation, but that separation puts a twist on your mind and soul. Ironically, even Freud recognized that many perversions have their root in sex without the risk of procreation. Considering that he saw the danger a generation before the technology for such an event to occur says something about the power of that connection and the power unleashed when it is separated. The separating of them has opened a modern Pandora’s Box. The new world it opens up brings more pain and heartache than many of you are willing to go through. You still want your spouse to treat sex and marriage as special, yet the modern world questions “Why hold onto such outdated ideas, when there is a way to find fulfillment and enjoyment through sex?” You need to have an answer to such questions. If your spouse does not ask you that question or a similar one, you may hear it from a friend of your children.
Affairs are but one of the consequences of separating sex and procreation. It is going to be hard to stand against infidelity if you hold to the ‘sex for recreation’ mindset. The poet T. S. Eliot asked a tough question along this line when he asked’ “What life have you if you have not life together?” Since I deal with affairs, I often have to face tough questions. The one of ‘what are the consequences of separating sex and procreation?’ is one that has major relevance regarding affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Good point
As with our situation .
Now one of the consquences of this idea …sex without procreation leading to ‘recreational sex’ ….we have seen ‘procreation without marriage’ as an OPTION …much like people want to get a pet.
Babies became a ‘fashion accessory’ …from all the publicity that celebs get and the focus upon their trendy ‘baby bumps’ ….celebrated in all kinds of ways ..MOSTLY celebrating that they have the ‘courage’ and the ‘status’ to rise above the ‘stoggy ‘ among the ‘common people’ to flaunt such disregard for ‘convention’
One of my husband’s letters to the OW was in praise of her ‘thoughtful way’ that she researched the possiblity of choosing to be a ‘single mom by choice’ and how ‘beautifully’ she addressed this when informing her father of their baby to come!
Both parents of the OW KNEW she was having this ARRANGMENT with a married man with a family of his own and yet APPROVED and were delighted with the news of her giving them grandchildren with him!
His comment to her was so expressive of admiration for their being so clever in their being brave against ‘ convention’ …to plan these children this way !
It is astonishing that this was “ok’ with him as he neglected me and our children all those years.
The other day I asked him if he did not miss cuddling me or sleeping next to me as he has been living upstairs since he confessed after two years of lying to me while we were ‘working ‘ on our marriage , that he had been seeing the children .
This is now five years…and it is 6 months since he left our bedroom ..saying he just ‘couldn’t ‘do this’ anymore’
He told me yesterday that he just made a mistake marrying me 31 years ago since he had thought our different interests would make a stronger and more interesting marriage….but we were just ‘too different’
As I take inventory over those years I notice that he seemed to find more and more roadblocks and excuses for the ‘distance ‘ between us ..ALL HIS DECISIONS …but those began after several years of a walk as a couple that were good …as long as we stayed in the word
After he got into corporate work ..surrounded by offers’ and many ‘friendships’ that were not respectful of marriage …he became ‘suddenly more aware’ of how little we shared in common!
That couldn’t possibly have been because HE deliberately put so many things in his schedule to avoid time with me and our children!
His lust and arrogance grew to mammoth degrees as he filled his ego full of whatever everyone else admired day to day …as the worlds trends change rapidly …one day marriage is “in’ the next having babies and adultery is ‘in ‘ and marriage and family are only for those who haven’t the means to get all of those ‘goodies”
Those that live in that kind of fantasy land …deserve exactly what they get …unfortunately those they effect do not ….
Just because one CAN does not follow that they SHOULD …in any aspect ….CHOICES have consequences …always.
Zaza,
You realization of how recreational sex leads to women being considered playthings or toys is correct. It is not by accident that Playboy uses ‘playmates’ and Penthouse uses the term ‘pets’ in referring to women.
The dynamics of the OW you provided is more common than I would like. In such cases, children are seen as ‘trophies’. If they viewed children as having true value, beyond that of a trophy, they would either break off the relationship or find a man to marry so that those children will have a father. With these women, the more trophies means more money, and more guilt on the part of the cheater. They also mean more emotional ammunition they have to keep the cheater ‘hooked’. The tragedy is that in some families, such behavior is encouraged. Young women actually go out looking for potential men to hook in such a manner. With each child they are impregnated with, they are regarded by their families as ‘bringing home another trophy’. That to me is not love, it is the accumulation of trophies. They have taken recreational sex to its extreme, turning it into a sport where the goal is the trophy, in this case, the children.
It is sad that your spouse continues creating distance by redefining the relationship. From what you say, it sounds more like he is trying to rationalize what he has done and excuse things away. That sounds more like a sore looser than a man who takes responsibility.