In addition to being a counselor, I’m also an amateur historian. There are times when these two areas overlap.
One area where they overlap is propaganda techniques. Understanding the methods used in organized disinformation campaigns is enlightening.
Back when I started in the field of psychology, learning about brainwashing was required reading. I went from basic brainwashing to the advanced stuff in terms of understanding propaganda techniques.
One of the techniques used by the propagandists in pre-war Germany consisted of changing language in a way that desensitized people to what’s really going on. If you ever wondered how could someone do horrid things to others, the answer lies in them being desensitized to those things first.
By using technical terms for highly emotional and moral issues, the propagandists took the sting out of unsavory and immoral behaviors. This also made immoral actions seem routine, ordinary and mechanical.
The propagandists made unsavory behaviors look and feel like a routine task. They became part of everyday life due to the softening up with language tricks.
I recalled this Nazi propaganda trickery while reading some recent research on infidelity. The researchers looked into dating apps, like Tinder. The researchers found people used them in finding “extradyadic partners.”
I suppose that ‘finding an extradyadic partner’ sounds better than looking for a hook-up or finding a lay. Even the cheater introduces their lover as their girlfriend or ‘friend’. I have yet to meet a cheater who introduces the object of their adulterous affection as “My extradyadic partner”.
The researchers took out the term ‘cheating’ along with adultery, infidelity and disloyalty. Additionally by calling it ‘extradyadic partner’, they remove such labels as homewrecker, cheater, lover, playmate, hook up and co-conspirator.
Extradyadic partner makes it sound scientific and moral free. Like atoms linking up with stray electrons, cheaters now find someone outside of their marriage to have an extradyadic relationship with.
It turns infidelity into a series of dyadic relationships. It’s as if you’re talking about atomic bonding rather than human relationships. By making it sound scientific, it takes out the any suggestion of sin.
It leaves you as the victim feeling like “It’s just bonding and unbonding”. With all the sin and guilt removed, having affairs are as routine as going to the bathroom.
In programming you for an affair that way, they also take out any unique or special qualities that come with time spent with your spouse.e
When such word games are used, I wonder “Are they hiding what they found or is it about taking the moral sting out of infidelity?”
Cheaters are great at their word games. Studies like this fit perfectly into the twisted thinking in cheater’s brains.
When you confront your spouse about their extradyadic partner, it doesn’t have the same impact as confronting them about the homewrecker they are cheating with. The switching of terms takes the moral and emotional sting out of cheating and ‘normalizes’ the behavior.
What you call the affair is important. It frames your affair recovery from beginning to end. In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” I deal with how important this is.
If you are facing an affair, you need clear thinking. You need clear, unambiguous terms for what happened and who the players are. Using propaganda terms confuses you and your communication.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
