You may not have thought that consumerism has any connection with affairs. Consumerism has a great deal to do with affairs. When you and the rest of the public are used to being a consumer, there is a mindset created where you are always on the lookout for a better deal. The danger about looking for that better deal is that when it creeps into the marriage relationship, it can lead to affairs or the dissolution of the marriage.
I have seen the consumerism come in several ways. There is the ‘Playboy’ approach, where the consumer is treated to a new woman each month. When men buy into this mentality, they are often looking for the newer, more attractive model. The female version of this approach is looking for the man who is more ‘romantic’. It is not by accident that the harlequin romances come out at the same pace or faster than the men’s magazines. The more of these items that you consume, the more you want and the more dis-satisfied you become with the marriage you are in.
Another variant is the Wal-Mart approach. This is where you are looking for a ‘better deal’. The cheater wants either the cheaper, or better quality model. With consumerism, the cheater often want a ‘new’ thing since the fun has worn off the other one. It is easier to for them to find a replacement than to work on the relationship they have.
In previous generations a woman who went through a number of men was considered a slut. Now days, she is just ‘looking for the right man’. The man was considered either a gigolo or a man-slut as he goes searching for “Mrs. Right”. Or the Christian variant of “I wanted someone who was a Christian this time”. If they are on their third or forth, they may add the term ‘real’ to the label “Christian”. By playing such word games, they feel less guilt about their sleazy patterns and many churches give them an approving wink at what they are doing.
There are plenty of ways today’s consumer mindset has infected marriages and the excuses that are made for serial marriages. The tragedy is that in most cases, the multiple marriage are often the same marriage with the same problems over and over. They call it “new”, yet in terms of what happens, it amounts to the summer re-runs of the same old relationship, with the same old problems.
In reducing the risk of affairs or keeping them from coming back, it is important to purge your marriage of this consumer mindset. Recognize that marriage is a special commitment and be willing to work through the issues, rather than trade in or trade up.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Adultery in the Bible is said to be a “plague’ upon the land. It starts in a heart that turns from seeking GOD to seeking after whatever pleasure strikes their senses . Unprotected minds that are outfitted with the Word of GOD to discern what is godly and true from what is a ‘sales job’ of the demonic realm is not equipped to deflect thoughts …thoughts brought into the mind ..unbidden but undeflected
Those who wish to please GOD and follow Christ in truth must be willing to obey the commandment to study and put on the mind of Christ ..the whole word of GOD which is likened to ARMOUR
The sin of adultery begins with engaging the eyes…the flesh and the senses …. Images and words that solicite the imagination ./
God tells us the defense we need is to take heed to HIS method of staying clear of these influences through knowledge , wisdom and the practice of these things:
Jam 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
How is this done?
2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
You would think in our household this would have given my husband every equipping to avoid adultery but there is the matter of the HEART which must be submitted…and soft and desiring to please GOD …the original condition of the heart of the natural unregenerate person is ….this …
Jer 17:9 The heart [is] deceitful above all [things], and desperately wicked: who can know it?
God knows it …but the person does not …a person needs to be informed of this condition and be willing to accept it ..and then seek the way to avoid allowing that uncircumcised heart to run their lives….their thought life being foundational.
How does this come about ?
Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God [are] a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psa 34:18 The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
This has to be done by HIS words ….
Mat 21:42 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, THE STONE [Jesus Christ who is THE WORD] which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the CORNER: this is the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes?
[Eph 2:20 And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, JESUS CHRIST himself being the chief corner [stone];
Mat 21:44 And whosoever shall fall on this STONE shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
The broken hearted in awareness of the being “poor IN SPIRIT” and their need for truth seek after truth ,..and are told they will find it …
Pro 15:14 The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.
Lam 3:25 The LORD [is] good unto them that wait for him, to the soul [that] seeketh him.
Mat 7:7 ¶ Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
Mat 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Once found it must be RECEIVED ….WITH MEEKNESS ..an attitude willing to obey ….
Jam 1:21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
The engrafted word…is that ‘sword of the spirit ‘ which cuts away fleshly VEIL that is over the eyes of the understanding as we obey and do what we learn from Him.
Hbr 10:20 By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the VEIL that is to say, his FLESH;
Deu 10:16 Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked.
Deu 30:6 And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.
Todays ‘uncircumcised’ are those who do not apply the ‘sword of the spirit which is the word of God ‘ to their hearts which would cut away fleshly perceptions of all that is around and in them….
Jer 4:4 Circumcise yourselves to the LORD, and take away the foreskins of your heart, ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench [it], because of the evil of your doings.
The Word of GOD is also likened to “FIRE” which burns away ‘chaff’ …it is to be applied to our ways of thinking and living so that all that is unprofitable to being cleansed and becoming a ‘vessel of honor meet for the Masters use’ is “burned away”
In truth those who refuse to apply the WORD and obey it to their thoughts and behavior will be ‘burned’ along with their flesh …which is when the lifespan ends they have not ‘died TO ” their flesh but have lived by and IN it …we learn from the word that without this process of repentance being a daily practice of seeking , hearing and obeying …men remain their own ‘lord’ ….”god’ and are subject to the influences of demons that do not wait or respect man’s life as GOD does but take advantage of ignorance…either natural of willful and lead them away …and deceive to SIN which opens the DOOR to their minds for thoughts not from GOD to build a ‘case’ to sin more and more
Without repentance there can be no resurrection unto life …for without the WORD shining upon the condition of the heart …there can be no reception of the WORD / SPIRIT/ LIFE of GOD
The word is ETERNAL .thus if we have that WORD IN us and IT guides our thought life …thus our hearts…we have life ETERNAL ..as that WORD of GOD endures forever …
Life of the LORD thus is IN us and we are passed FROM death …our first condition in this world….unto LIFE which is Jesus CHRIST when we make HIM LORD of our lives instead of our carnal , natural minds and the influences of the world we are born into .
….Act 17:30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
Mat 3:2 And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Mat 4:17 From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
The KING is present from the time JESUS spoke these words …HIS kingdom is spiritual …it is within you …you are the temple of the holy spirit….thus adultery is the ULTIMATE defiling and polluting of the true temple of GOD …it REQUIRES utmost concern to repent!
Mar 1:15 And saying, The TIME IS FULFILLED, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the GOSPEL [ of the cross!l.
Mar 6:12 And they went out, and preached that men should repent.
Luk 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise PERISH.
“perish’ is not just ‘to die’ it is to die UNBORN Again…..the soul being eternal thus has not transferred into the kingdom …into that LIFE which is everlasting in Christ …
Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.
Rev 2:16 Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the SWORD OF MY MOUTH .
The ‘sword of the spirit which is the word of GOd ‘ which is ‘theopnuestos ‘ God breathed …out of HIS MOUTH …
We need this WORD to cut away our fleshly affections for this world and all kinds of temptations that are used to OPEN the mind to accept and obey sin ..which opens the mind to more and more encouragments to ignore and set aside the conscience which leads to a ‘hardened’ heart. ….a seared conscience and a reprobate mind …aka ..a mind not equipped with knowledge of GOD and wisdom to turn from [repent] sin and walk in truth .
The truth must be received …kept …and lived by
Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Jhn 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
Jhn 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
People who commit willful sin are taken captive…to thwart this repentance and action must be taken …here is the KEY to the keeping of the word in our minds which thus will bring forth good fruit…for out of the heart come the ISSUES of LIFE
Gen 6:5 And GOD saw that the wickedness of man [was] great in the earth, and [that] every imagination of the thoughts of his HEART [was] ONLY EVIL CONTINUALLY.
We don’t hear much about this in todays world. This ‘heart condtion ‘ is really what the WORD addresses….but if the WORD is ‘refused’ or ‘blasphemed ‘ there is no ‘instrument of righteousness’ to do the ‘circumcising’ of the heart to the end we are able to SEE and HEAR…the WORD must be brought forth to those who are blinded and walking in darkness AND to then be received ….some refuse….
Jer 13:10 This evil people, which refuse to hear my words, which WALK IN the IMAGINATION of their HEART, and walk after other gods, to serve them, and to worship them, shall even be as this girdle, which is good for nothing.
Those ‘other gods’ are anything or anyone …including the SELF that takes on the role of ‘lord’ Thus we are exhorted to do THIS …
2Cr 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and BRINGING INTO CAPTIVITY EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ;
Many new age practices are being inserted into church practices today …that encourage ‘opening the mind ‘ or seeking after experiences that ‘open the mind ‘ or alter consciousness unto the taking of demons …which turn people away from active seeking , learning , heeding and obey truth .
2Ti 4:3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
2Ti 4:4 And they shall turn away [their] ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
Thus the exhortation
2Ti 4:2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
2Ti 4:5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
Is this not a repeat performance of this :
Now go, write it before them in a table, and note it in a book, that it may be for the time to come for ever and ever:
Isa 30:9 That this [is] a rebellious people, lying children, children [that] will not hear the law of the LORD:
Isa 30:10 Which say to the seers, See not; and to the prophets, Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceits:
Isa 30:11 Get you out of the way, turn aside out of the path, cause the Holy One of Israel to cease from before us.
Isa 30:12 ¶ Wherefore thus saith the Holy One of Israel, Because ye despise this word, and trust in oppression and perverseness, and stay thereon:
Isa 30:13 Therefore this iniquity shall be to you as a breach ready to fall, swelling out in a high wall, whose breaking cometh suddenly at an instant.
Isa 30:14 And he shall break it as the breaking of the potters’ vessel that is broken in pieces; he shall not spare: so that there shall not be found in the bursting of it a sherd to take fire from the hearth, or to take water [withal] out of the pit.
Isa 30:15 ¶ For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.
Isa 30:16 But ye said, No; for we will flee upon horses; therefore shall ye flee: and, We will ride upon the swift; therefore shall they that pursue you be swift.
Thus we do this ….
Psa 26:2 Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.
Psa 19:12 Who can understand [his] errors? cleanse thou me from secret [faults].
Psa 51:2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
When we are willing to apply this to OUR OWN lives…hearts..it is an ongoing ‘washing of the water of the word’
I have posted at length as I see the CHALLENGE of those harmed by the sin of adultery and the openness to the suggestions that lead up to one going after this sin .,..are all contingent upon doing this …repentance is a process that those who recognize their sin are urgent about making sure that they get all kinds of inflluential thoughts and various other outward and inward encouragments to be haphazard or complacent about dealing with in this way …will find themselve deceived into thinking there is nothing further to do which can keep them from being decieved again
The Renewed mind is something that is our ongoing task to remain and to continue to keep our temples our minds and our lives free of being deceived again and again
I think underestimating the enemy of our souls has led to this kind of ‘relaxing ‘ on OUR part of remaining free of the capitvity that Christ has made availabe to WHOMSOEVER Is WILLING to follow HIM
The Gospel spoken of BY CHRIST himself is the one that demands that do this …
Psa 119:9 BETH. Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed [thereto] according to thy word.
Mat 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
This crucified SELF is not popular and thus is not taught because the flesh /carnal/natural man is not interested in putting ‘self ‘ into the yoke of the walk with Christ …in fact many have not even read or heard this gospel ..
The gospel that has lead many into more and more ‘freedom” FROM the laws of righteouness that are in truth IN Christ and are to be lived in and by …
His law is freedom from SIN .and committing sin …His love FULFILLS the LAW …in those who are living in it ..
LOVE is FULLED IN THOSE WHO LIVE BY and IN The LAW which is HIS WHOLE WORD….HIS SPIRIT…it does not free us from our RESPONSE …ABILITY …to HIM ..as LORD
Rom 13:10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore LOVE IS THE FULLING OF THE LAW.
Jesus fulled aka CONFIRMED the LAW and told us to ‘folloe HIM ..his example as HIS WORD is POWER UNTO salvation …when we LIVE IN and BY the WORD …it fulfills love IN us ..
And our lives become those that DO NOT ‘worketh ill ‘ to our neighbor…we lose interest in it ..as the WORD is more powerful as we DO it …than sins lure …we SEE the destruction and begin to understand the damage that it offers to us to do to not only others lives …but our OWN
I think that is one of the things that adulterers will attest to when they actually DO sorrow in a godly way …they sorrow UNTO repentance because they recognize as they are meek to hear from GOD all of the ways that this sin and all sin damages their OWN LIVES
This is what I think we who are hurting are not just hoping to see but make petitions on behalf of the adulterer ..as we are commanded to …so that they may be delivered from the captivity of their sin .
Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
We pray AND we ‘do good’ ….but to learn what GOD’S definition of ‘good ‘ is we must be willing to seek in the WORD …for ONLY GOD IS GOOD …so whatever HE is …is what ‘good ‘ is …and His attributes are a LOT more than just being ‘love’ ….he is also “just’ and “righteous’ among other things so we cannot presume upon only ONE attribute …HIS love will not violate his other aspects…
Thus we need a Savior because His just and righteous character demands full payment for sin …and all have come short of His righteousness..
In the deliverance that we have received we thus are called upon to offer up prayer for those still held in captivity by the enemy of the Lord …and to offer truth …
2Ti 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
Two things I have been learning here
‘meekness ‘ is not a posture of appearing to be like a beaten dog…it is demonstrated AS UNTO THE LORD …OBEDIENCE …to be obedient to GOD is both humble and meekness…to obey HIM ..rather than men or our own desire to be liked.
And second it is GOD WHO GRANTS or GIVES a person repentance upon their demonstrating from the heart a true sorrow …which comes with acknowledging the depth of what their sin has done.
“Denial” , “minimizing” , “moving on ‘ without dealing and owning the sin …and being willing to desire to realize the depth of it …so that one may seek to be rid of it ..cleansed of it RECOGNIZING the DAMAGE retained sin does to ones OWN soul ..is the aim of the WORD
TO reject the words of GOD which will shine a light of truth upon our sin leaves it like a bit of cancer left after surgery ..to grow up once again and threaten the soul
ALL sin must be rendered impotent by way of GOD’S WORD ..the sword of the spirit ..will root it out .as we are willing to allow it to ..and invite the LORD to reveal it to us so we may confess it …because
Psa 32:5 I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
1Jo 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Confession is ongoing …repentance is ongoing as the WORD continues to shine on the lives , the hearts, the souls of those who obey CHrist’s command to continue IN HIS WORDS>.
We seek CONVICTION rather than wait for CONDEMNATION to overtake us …those who walk after the LORD desire to KNOW …to SEE whatever may hinder a clear view of His words..and a close fellowship with Him
When TWO marry who understand this there is not only victory over personal hinderances there are two to watch each others’ back in this walk …then it is a glory to GOD as the husband loves his wife as CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH and gave himself FOR her…and the wife responds to this with overwhelming love and desire to please her husband which in truth is a pleasing offering unto the Lord
Psa 51:6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the INWARD parts: and in the hidden [part] thou SHALT MAKE me to KNOW wisdom.
Jhn 4:24 God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship him MUST WORSHIP HIM IN spirit and in truth.
Jhn 4:23 But the hour cometh, and NOW IS , when the TRUE worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.
For far too long now many generations have been taught to DO or PERFORM ‘worship’ in many ways that are ignoring the very way GOD has commanded us to love and worship Him
How gracious that he is longsuffering to allow us time to learn that indeed all ‘worship’ is the very living of His words…..to ‘BE ‘ to the praise of HIS glory by seeking . study . being taught of HIM to walk in the truth …and thus to have that word daily teaching , reproving , cleansing and correcting us within …and thus we may KNOW what is that good and perfect will of GOD and to ask Him to help us follow Him in spirit and in truth .
What a great opportunity for us …despite all of the trials and tribulations we go through to respond to His offer!!!
Zaza,
It is ironic that you mention that adultery brings a plague upon the land. Adultery impacts not on our lives, but our neighborhoods and nations as well. It is one of the sins that brings a curse on the people AND on the land.