Have you considered that you can not build up your spouse’s self esteem. Although you have tried to for years, have you really succeeded? You can say nice things to them, but if they do not feel good about themselves, will they be able to accept what you say? When someone does not accept themselves, the answer lies within themselves, not you. When you assume that you can ‘fix’ them or build them up, you are setting the stage for others to do so as well, which creates a situation where an affair is at risk. The cheater goes looking for someone to make them feel better about themselves. They hope that the affair will ‘fix’ them. Have affairs really ‘fixed’ anything, or anyone? They have not healed anything. They have only brought destruction of lives, families, security, health or peace of mind. They have not built up anything, unless you consider the build up of pain beneficial.
Although you can not build up your spouse’s self-esteem, you can certainly say mean and hurtful things. You can discourage them and make it painful for them to get close to you. When it is too painful to get close to you, they will seek fulfillment elsewhere. If you are a person who hurts anyone that tries getting close to you, consider making yourself more approachable. It will not build up your spouse, but it will make it easier to want to be in relationship with you.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
