My e-book on “What the Bible Says About Adultery” Volume 1 is now available at Amazon as a Kindle publication. If you are curious about what the Bible says in this area, you will want to read this. Since the Bible says so much, I am having to break it into several volumes. There are many lessons and illustrative examples for your situation that are addressed including pastors having affairs, family patterns of affairs, dealing with accusations of cheating and other relevant concerns.
I hope that you readers find it informative and enjoyable.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
PS-My next e-book will address the issue of “Is There Any Hope for my marriage?”
7 Responses
Dear DrJeff,
Thanks so much!
Just wanted to let you know I am still alive and well! Have read and enjoyed every one of your posts!
Please, keep it up…..
Always something I can use in every post. Surely it is the same for all those who are reading.
Yes, the Scriptures have MUCH to say about adultery. Used to be one of the very few ‘capital offenses’. (sp?)
Sobering to realize that at one time in theocratic history, if you were privileged to be part of God’s chosen people, you would be put to death for committing adultery. What does that tell ya? Yeah, that the pain and horror of it is too much!! Of course, under the Christian arrangement of things, the law of love replaced the Mosaic Law & there is now provision for such a one to be forgiven and continue to live.
Having experienced the pain first-hand, I have no qualms with God’s stand on the issue. Also, the fact that spiritual deflection is the worst form of adultery shows how painful such a betrayal is, how our loving Creator views the matter. Who gives a ‘poop’ how humans view it!!!
Since our Creator experienced such pain in the form of spiritual adultery gives me comfort, knowing he has felt this same pain as I have. Also, having His example to emulate in showing forgiveness is a treasure without price. Yet, showing there is a limit………..
Random thoughts……….Just wanted to touch base and let you know I am still out here, taking in every tid bit you write!!
Take Care! Love to Peggy..
And…..Love to all………….
Sherri,
It is always good hearing from you. Much has changed in how people deal with adultery. There are times that I wonder if all the ‘progressive’ changes in how society deals with it have been for better. Although I can not speak with any authority on the punishment/penalty aspect, in terms of the psychological and relationship area, the damage inflicted is significant. Even when the cheater changes and repents, the damage done to their potential and relationships is significant. A lot depends on how deep they were into the affair. They can change and often do. I am always thankful when they turn from the affair and return to their spouse. It is like a major homecoming on many levels.
This first part of the study which is in the e-book has been enlightening. I have already begun the next one. It already poses some really painful and tough challenges. Issues such as the desire for revenge, lying ministers, love of spouses turning into hate, two cases of murder tied to affairs, and the role of parents in affairs. All this and I am not even into the New Testament yet!
I can not wait to read all about this Jeff ! The world surely is blinded to adultery – I am interested in the part about a parent’s role in the adultery. After my husband walked out, I had a conversation with my mother-in-law in which she stated that the “rules” were different in a separation. That the spouses should date and see if they really wanted to be married or if they wanted to be with another person. She also said that my husband’s happiness was the priority and “whatever made him happy” is what I would have to endure and that I should just get a self-help book and i would be fine. I was astounded at her attitude! She would not be a person to encourage him to do the right thing and stay committed to his wife.
Christina,
I am glad that you are looking forward to it. I can already tell you that the rules do not change just THAT much by moving into your parents home. A person is still married, and is expected to remain faithful. The moving into the parents is often an option for safety situations, when the spouse is away such as in fighting a war, etc.. Being at the parents does not mean that one behaves like they are not married. It is not a ‘hall pass’ by any means. I have not finished researching the matter, although I am clear on how the rules do not change in terms of fidelity, nor does it mean that you can date.
Love the offerings that you posted and the comments….
I horrified by parents who fail to uphold morality …one of the ‘reasons’ our society is in such poor shape.
A mother who has believed that the happiness of her child is more important than high moral standards…does not understand how this effects her child’s life ongoing ..even if she is not concerned about others~
Pro 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
But this assumes that there has been prior setting of limits ..instruction ..and a training to respect godly authority …which for a child is the parent.
When a parent refrains from training and teaching their children regarding these truths that GOD has brought to our attention FOR OUR GOOD ..to avoid damaging lives..then we see that parent is more concerned with not ‘losing ‘ the love of their child…It is selfish and unwise…
Many parents have not been taught this so they do not realize it.
When I was young and first training to teach in a public school …I was astonished in some parent teacher conferences with some parents complaining that they thought it was the SCHOOLS JOB to “RAISE ‘ their children!
This attitude was also ‘laid ‘ on people as the past creeping effort to cause several generations to be raised by the state FOR the state’s USE.
People are not ‘cattle’ ..they are not ‘resources’ ….they are made in the IMAGE of GOD …so they are not even as some Biology books like to place them …;animals” the taxonomy is incorrect…as based upon evolution …..
Anyway …take a look at ‘The Long War Against God’ by Dr. Henry Morris III…..interesting to note the origin and rise and the use of the concept of evolution. Dr Morris was a scientist in many fields who studied the origins and particularly with and interest in the claims of the Bible…
His well researched and thorough examination of the religion of evolution is worthy of a focused read.
Anyway ….I am looking forward to reading your material Jeff….though I do not have a kindle or have any idea of how to load any more ‘apps’ to my computer….
BTW ….Christine….Though I referenced the ‘child’ …in your husband’s case his mom is still treating him as if he is HER child…
When he grew to be a man …despite the fact that many are physically grown ‘up’ they have not been trained …to manhood …and thus are still immature and ill-equipped to handle the privilege of being a husband …without knowledge they need the attitude to GAIN that knowledge…and hopefully before they are one.
Most are not aware of this lack ..thinking that if they are ‘good at ‘ sex…through many ‘training’ sessions with perhaps many women ..that they are ‘ready ‘ …to ‘be’ a husband ..
So many marriage vows given without even thinking about what they are and what they involve!
Anyway …the FIRST LAW of marriage when GOD created it ..was a ‘man should LEAVE HIS MOTHER and FATHER >..and CLEAVE to his wife
Without leaving …both physically but more emotionally ..it is difficult if not impossible for the TWO to begin to live in the ONENESS that marriage is to develop through the challenges that it brings.
Marriage is as you have found out ..difficult…it is a process…it requires a WILLINGNESS to learn and to practice generosity and forgiveness …it is not going to work well for those unwilling to become unselfish.
We all have seen and gone through some of what marriage is NOT …and the hope is that through educating ourselves. ..and taking the various supportive information from men like Jeff ..we can grow…learn and apply those things that are useful to open the treasure that marriage is .
Today’s culture does not realize or even seem to care to know the truth about marriage …Everyone assumes…and you know what they say about assuming….
It also is taken for granted that ‘anyone’ can be married……it shows how far we have come from the days when poeple felt SHAME when divorce happened because at one time in the not so distant past …divorce implied ADULTERY ..and THAT was really shameful and very much hidden ..
Staying married to avoid the shame because of adultery is a poor reason to stay together ..Staying together because it is realized the WAY to make it ‘work ‘ and not only ‘work’ but become the blessing it was meant to be. ..is a lot like faith .
The Bible points out that ‘those who come to GOD must believe that HE IS >….AND that he is a REWARDER of those that DILIGENTLY SEEK HIM
TO be married to one person pretty much requires a similar attitude…we must believe the person we marry is worthy of our life…we need to pursue them diligently to learn more about all of the aspects of that blessing that GOD has told us another person IS …and that in itself is a work/task/blessing/endeavor of a LIFETIME
Thus’ til death do we part’ …
The state of mind that many have been led to trust in is destructive and is a good reason why we see the troubled marriages and lack of understanding and selflessness abounding today
Sorrowful
I am sorry you are going through this ..and that the mother in law has so little understanding of how crucial is her role in all of this …basically supportive of MARRIAGE itself ..and to opt out of intermingling with your serious situation.
That is MY two cents……”opting out” now…heeheehee…
Zaza,
You make some good points. It used to grieve my soul to hear mothers ‘praise’ the start of school so that they did not have to be with their kids. I have found that the attitude that mothers have toward their children reveals much about their attitudes and values in other areas as well.
Until parents have a change in heart about kids, it will be hard to repair marriages.
BTW, I am familiar with Henry Morris and find his material enlightening.