It is always harder getting out of an affair and an affair lifestyle than it was getting into it. The excitement of dress up, new stimulation, and new sensations eventually fade. When you stay in the “Lifestyle” long enough you are often faced with the choice of going deeper or getting depressed at what you are doing. That is a ‘false’ set of choice options. The third option is ‘getting out’ of the Lifestyle altogether.
You always have the choice to say “no”. The first time is often the hardest. You may have gotten into the Lifestyle by saying “Yes” with each new “Yes” taking you deeper down the rabbit hole. The excitement often has a way of overwhelming the conscience. Eventually you will come face to face with the emptiness. Lovers will eventually tire of you, or you will tire of them. The novelty of the Lifestyle loses its glitter.
When you recognize that you have a choice to leave it, there will be pressure to keep you in. There may be threats or being exposed, embarrassed, or financial loss. The freedom you will gain and having a clear conscience is worth the price tag and then some. If you are in too deep, they may even physically threaten you. They will do things to convince you that you ‘belong’ to them. They will claim that they ‘own’ you, that your body no longer belongs to you. When you are viewed as ‘merchandise’ that is owned, you are in DEEP.
The first place freedom begins is in your mind. You will have to give yourself permission to see the ‘third’ option. Once you see the option, you will have to exercise it. When you say no enough times, you will feel more empowered. It is a struggle where you will need encouragement. There are times that you will feel alone. Find others who can help you with your struggle and develop a support network.
You can get past the affair and the Lifestyle.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
One Response
Thank you for the many ways you find to shine the light on the various ways that cheating does damage to all …This post is a good one for those who have cheated to understand perhaps some of how they went there.
I say ‘went’ there because they knew that they were doing it …it was not like a hijacking ..
I am reading a book right [“Steering Clear”]now that actually offers some great practical perspective of how a CS may employ the steps to gain back the life he once took for granted or tossed aside for what God calls a ‘vapor ‘ in His word. The author is the voice of ‘experience’ in dealing with it both personally and along with his own counseling of others.
Sadly so often we learn after the fact on so many things in life….but better late than never….
Thank you for your faithful and thoughtful posts…I know many who do not post really find them helpful…I know I DO!