When your spouse makes passive-aggressive digs at you, does it bother you? It bothers me.
When a husband or wife disrespect each other, i’s a sure sign of trouble ahead. It doesn’t mean that it’s a sign of an affair, although it’s a sign that there are problems.
The problem may be that the two of you are drifting further apart OR that someone doesn’t understand humor OR that someone doesn’t know how to communicate.
When I hear the passive aggressive digs, it’s a flashing warning sign of problems ahead. Break-ups typically don’t occur overnight, they develop over time. The digs are signs of cracks in their relationship.
Many couples use the passive aggressive digs in pushing push their spouse away from them. When the emotional and physical distance becomes too great to bear or there’s no motivation to move closer, the relationship goes to the next phase of dis-solution.
The emotional distance transforms into physical distance, with either moving out, creating a separate life for themselves from their spouse or divorce. If an affair happens, it’s often designed as a way of speeding up the separation process.
When it comes to humor, if what’s being said is truly funny, then everyone will be laughing. When only one party is laughing at the expense of the other, someone is being exploited.
There are times when that happens, yet when it occurs routinely, there are problems. The one exploiting doesn’t understand humor.
They are only using put downs to get a laugh, which is not humor. It is also dishonoring to your spouse.
When such dishonoring occurs over a long enough period of time, it creates distance between the two of you. There may even be family conflict as the children are drawn into this unhealthy pattern of exploitation.
If you’re the one doing the exploiting, you need to learn how to be funny. You may think that you are funny, but your spouse knows better.
If you are the target, you need to let your spouse know that what they’re doing is not funny or humorous.
They may dismiss it with “well I think it is funny!” or “it made me laugh“. In such cases, they are putting their own selfish entertainment ahead of showing respect to you.
There is also the possibility that one or both of you do not know how to communicate when it comes to humor, and painful issues. People often hide pain behind humor.
When they do this, their humor inflicts more hurt. They make you feel what they’re experiencing. When their humor is ‘biting’ or acidic sarcastic, they’re likely hiding hurt behind it.
When the passive aggressive digs happen, you need to deal with the underlying problem. Often knowing what the underlying problem poses the greatest challenge. Dealing with hurts before they turn into resentments is critical in salvaging your marriage.
For more information on signs of danger in your marriage, the ebook, “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” is what you need. It covers the most frequently asked questions and signs indicative of trouble ahead.
Rather than being blind sided, you can instead take action BEFORE the problems are too big to handle.
Best Regards,
Jeff
