I know I have not dealt with porn addictions, even though this is a common issue related to affairs. In my mind, I’m still exploring what the connection between the two is.
I feel I needed to address porn addiction, since a ‘scientific’ study came out today on the topic. Many cheaters use such ‘scientific’ studies in defending themselves and what they did. For this reason, I felt a need to address this twisting of scientific studies.
The article that came out today on porn addiction, claims porn addiction isn’t real. This is the kind of article that some cheaters and porn addicts will love.
You will find that they will take the findings and use them in dismissing any concerns you raise, claiming the ‘addiction’ label is harmful and that their ‘habits’ are not really an addiction. They use the studies like ammunition.
If you or your spouse has dealt with that issue, you know the power of addiction, and the struggles it often brings with it. The addicted mind operates differently than the non-addicted brain.
When brains have been altered by addictions or affairs, there are changes in HOW they process information. It changes how decisions are made. It changes how you behave.
This kind of article on porn addiction does a dis-service to those dealing with such issues. Even though the article claims it is a “large” study, you have to consider, “What do they mean by large?”. In this case, it was 122 participants. The participants were also volunteers.
Calling a study large with 122 people is stretching it. It is even more dangerous making major decisions based on what these 122 porn junkies said.
The study also showed the volunteers alternating pictures, some of porn, some of non-porn. When you are dealing with a porn addiction, the addict often gorges themselves on porn, often hours at a time.
The large amount of porn over a period of two of more hours is often required in turning on the addiction sensitive centers of their brain. They gorge themselves in order to get their brain into ‘high gear’.
Making large blanket statements about porn addiction based on the responses of 122 people who view a few pictures is sloppy science, if you call it science at all. In my mind, had the study looked at a large number (200+) of sexual addicts, or cheaters, etc., then the results would have more use.
I mention this study, since many of you may have been slammed by such tactics in your own marriage. A small study of a particular population, such as ‘cheaters’ is reported.
The study results are then picked up by a news outlet, like Huffington Post. The press touts the study as authoritative “proof” that advances their own social agenda. When the press presents such studies that line up with their own political and social agenda, I am always suspicious.
The danger is that many spouses will read those articles and use them to justify or excuse their behavior. In their mind, since science supports their position, “It is proven!”, “It is scientific”.
If the topic in question is some aspect of cheating or prevalence of cheating, it is as if they have brought out the “big guns” to prove they are normal and cheating is normal and that any problems are all yours.
Once the cheater uses such studies, it has a way of shutting down communication. They are smug and confident in the study findings. In their mind, since the University did it, it must be correct.
When that happens, simple questions can turn things around. Questions like “How many people were in the study?” and “Who was in the study?”. It also helps to know what questions were asked, since a common ploy is using leading questions to skew results of the study.
Another question is “So what?”. I know it sounds sarcastic, but when they can’t see or express the connection between the study and what they are doing, it’s not of much use.
You can also use the tactic of saying that your marriage is ‘not like’ the ones in the study. Point out that the two of you were not in the study and the findings are not applicable to what is happening in your own home.
Be aware that there are plenty of shabby studies out there being used in justifying misbehavior. It is not beyond a cheater who is doing their best to avoid responsibility to use such ‘scientific’ studies in their avoidance. You need to be aware of this and how you can start dealing with it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
