Affairs with law enforcement officers are often thorny issues. The blue line that protects you can be turned into a blue hedge that keeps you from access or even knowing the truth about what happened. That hedge can turn into a frustrating barrier that makes resolving the issues surrounding the affair impossible. The hedge changes the official story and white washes any wrongs as if they never occurred at all.
In the community where I grew up, I saw this in action first hand. When a police officer known for his frequenting of strip clubs and womanizing was involved in an incident, the world suddenly changed. Even though those familiar with the officer and his activities, knew differently, after the incident, the officer suddenly became a hero and a saint. Any mention of womanizing or marital issues was silenced.
All records were white washed so that any wrongs suddenly became groundless gossip and speculation by people who “don’t know the truth.” Since I was familiar with the other side of the story, what I knew suddenly became groundless gossip.
Overnight, the blue line became a blue hedge and the womanizing officer was transformed into sainthood, even to the point of having a street named after him and posthumously being given awards and honors.
It was more important to keep the public image, than deal with uncomfortable truths about what the real man was like.
The way things changed so fast was astounding. The whole community was now part of make-believe world rather than having an honest assessment of events. The estranged wife whose marriage was strained by her straying husband suddenly faces a massive transformation right before her eyes. It was as if the good fairy of law enforcement suddenly touched him with her wand and he magically became pure and wholesome.
I also saw the blue hedge come up in protection of a predatory officer who was sleeping with another man’s wife. Any attempt you make at raising questions or talking are dismissed and ignored. When you try going around the officer and speaking to their superior, you are given the evil eye and find yourself suddenly being scrutinized by the local law enforcement anytime you drive through the community.
Officially, nothing happened, even though the husband knew his wife was sleeping with the officer. The law enforcement agency refused taking any action or acknowledging any wrong doing. He felt like his only option was to sit and take it, which is not an option he liked.
These incidents pf affairs with law enforcement officers taught me that when you are dealing with law enforcement officers and affairs, it has its own challenges. I was always told to never argue with an officer in the street, since they have the authority there. IT is even more dangerous arguing with a law enforcement officer in the bedroom.
Although some people are attracted to the uniforms, once a law enforcement officer is involved in an affair, you get blurry lines rather than clearly defined ones. I also learned that you have to operate with a different set of rules and with a different set of circumstances than other affairs. Affairs with law enforcement officers are a whole different animal.
Affairs are volatile situations. Mixing that volatility with armed officers makes them more dangerous and very scary.
When the blue hedge goes up, you will be cut off from access. You may even find yourself being threatened. There will be no finding the truth, instead, you will be given the ‘official’ story line which is substituted for what happened. You may be discouraged from asking too many questions.
These kind of cover-up tactics turn affair recovery on its head. It makes things like facts, and truth become relative. Stories are changed, which makes any honest assessment of what happened impossible. The way they change the stories on you may even have you questioning your own sense of the truth and reality.
Affairs with law enforcement officers is a whole other world. You may even feel like you are going crazy. Rest assured, you are not going crazy. The frustration of dealing with the blue hedge when it comes to affairs is designed to make you feel that way. Although the blue line is meant to protect, there are some people who use it to hide their infidelities. When misused, the blue line turns into an obstacle preventing the light of truth from touching those involved.
For this reason, affairs with law enforcement require some special handling. The normal rules no longer apply when your affair triangle includes a member of law enforcement. This is a harsh reality, yet one that for the sake of your sanity and recovery will have to accept.
You may never get the law enforcement officer to admit the truth. You may never even know the truth. You will have to accept the truth as you know it and work with it. Those involved may never admit what happened. Even though it is like assembling a jigsaw puzzle blindfolded, you have to play with the cards you have been dealt. In this case, you do your best with what you have been given.
If you do find yourself traumatized by such an affair, you will want to consider the webinar on affair trauma, rather than suffering through it alone and thinking you are loosing your mind.
Best Regards,
Jeff
