In a previous post, I mentioned how coach Johnny Wooden made it a point of focusing on the basics or fundamentals. Another coach known for his emphasis on mastering the fundamentals is Vince Lombardi. Coach Lombardi came before Wooden and perhaps inspired him in this area.
The training camp for Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers started with him holding up a football and saying “This is a football”. The training program continued week after week focusing on mastering the basics. He knew that it a game, people get excited, they get nervous, they forget to do what they need to do.
Coach Lombardi knew from experience that getting the basics down correctly makes all the difference between a winning and a losing season. Although some of the players thought they already knew what a football was and the basic moves. They may have known the basics, yet, over the years, they grew sloppy. At one camp, a player named Max Magee raised his hand after the football comment. He said, “Uh, Coach, could you slow down a little? You’re going too fast for us.”
Coach Lombardi smiled and continued on with the training. The players put aside their pride, and hurt feelings, choosing instead to master the basics.
The coach’s training and focus on fundamentals led to winning seasons. Even today, the Lombardi victories are legendary. The Green Bay Packers consistently came through in the big games, even when everyone else was tired and worn out. That focus on the basics paid off.
When it comes to marriages, it also helps focusing on the basics. In the case of marriage, the basic piece is communication. When your communication is lousy, it cripples intimacy, limits what the two of you can accomplish and intensifies conflicts.
You may even view yourself as a ‘good communicator’ who is able to get your point across, unlike your spouse who you consider not as good as you.
That makes you good at expressing yourself, it does not make you a good communicator. If you truly were a good communicator, there would be good communication in your marriage, no matter how expressive your spouse is. You may be one of those needing to ‘slow down’.
You may be so good at ‘talking’ that there is no room for anyone else in conversations. That doesn’t make you a good communicator. Dominating the conversation does not equate to being a good communicator. It also sends a message to anyone around you about ‘how you really feel towards them’.
At times you may wonder, why your spouse didn’t talk to you. Could it be that you focused on expressing yourself to the point where you forgot the basics of communication? Could it be that you were so caught up in being the speaker that there was no room for the receiver?
Perhaps mastering the fundamentals is what your marriage needs. Those basic fundamentals make a huge difference when it comes time for you and your spouse to problem solve or work through your issues. If you’re not talking, I assure you that you’re not working through the issues either.
This latest video at RestoreTheFamily addresses the need for learning the fundamentals. “Hurting People and Healing Questions” gives you the fundamentals of communication. You need communication before you’ll be able to overcome the hurts and bring healing to your relationship.
It could be that when you think your relationship or life needs to “slow down a little” what you really need is a return to the fundamentals of communication.
Best Regards,
Jeff
