Back in 2010 I wrote a post on small town affairs. Although the title is about small towns, it could apply to doctor’s offices, small businesses or tight knit communities within large cities.
Although that was nine years ago, the challenges posed by small town affairs remain a concern. With affairs in small communities, there’s a high likelihood you’ll run into the old lover.It’s not a matter of ‘if’ you encounter the lover, but ‘when’ it happens.
Although the affair is long over, the emotions stirred up by it remain as active as ever.
When the lover never leaves your life, it’s hard putting things behind you. This is one reason why affairs with exes especially when children are involved make for emotional messes.
Issues like duty, decency, needing to keep the peace, rage, repulsion and attraction happen all at once. At such times you’re not going crazy.
It’s just many contradictory feelings and thoughts are being activated at the same time. When all those feelings and thoughts light up, it’s hard knowing what to do.
At such moments, you’re confidence and strength suddenly disappear. It’s as if you melt on seeing them. The many things you want to say or do stick in your head.
This is one reason support groups are essential in affair recovery. At moments like these, you need the strength of others emotional support. You need to borrow their emotional strength for a little while.
The first option is avoiding such contacts. This is the problem with small town and small community affairs. You no longer have the first option. You have to deal with them, whether you want to or feel strong enough to.
If you’ve worked through your Affair Trauma, you can limit the amount of paralysis you experience. If you haven’t worked through the Affair Trauma, you may find yourself re-experiencing a wide range of emotions that take you on a ride.
The second option, when you can’t avoid encounters with the unwanted lover is working through the Affair Trauma. It helps diminish the reactions you experience.
When you work through the issues, you can remain in control, rather than feeling out of control. You can start working through Affair Trauma with the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“.
You never know when and where they may pop up.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
