From reading the posts and emails from visitors, a topic of concern is being tricked into swinging or an affair. I consider ‘swinging’ another variant of an affair, since you are not being with your own spouse. The question arises as to whether a person can be ‘tricked’ into swinging along with how to deal with it.
You or anyone else can be pressured or tricked into being seduced. When you are given enough alcohol or drugs, your inhibitions are lowered. When your inhibitions are lowered, you are vulnerable.
While in such a vulnerable position, some spouses are devious enough to get you aroused and allow you to be exploited by swingers. It would be one thing if you made a conscious choice to do it, but quite another when your spouse pressures you under the influence of chemicals. At the very time they need to be protecting you, they are doing just the opposite.
In my thinking, there is a very special place in hell for those who intentionally and willfully exploit their spouses rather than protect them. Your spouse has a major influence on your life. When they use that influence in allowing others to take advantage of you rather protect you for their own titillation and entertainment, something is majorly wrong. In such cases, your spouse is not looking out for your best interests or welfare. Instead, they are turning you into merchandise to be taken advantage of.
The swinger lifestyle is insidious in how they use twist words and trickery is turning things around. They take a marriage and turn both spouses into merchandise for the larger group, all in the name of ‘having fun’. The natural emotional bonding that occurs in marriage becomes a tool used by these exploiters in pressuring victims into the lifestyle. Once you are seduced into the lifestyle, you develop other emotional bonds which are used to entice and hold you in the lifestyle. What was once just shared between you and your spouse now becomes community property.
Although you are being shared with others, since you have your spouse’s ‘permission’, you tell yourself that you are not cheating, yet your moral compass tells you otherwise. This is where your git tells you one things while your head and emotions tell you something else. It is not unusual to feel torn in multiple directions. Part of the reason for this is that the natural bonds have been perverted from their original purpose.
You have been tricked into adultery. You can call it swinging, and tell yourself that you are still married. You can even say that your marriage is stronger or healthier because of it, yet by straying into adultery, you have weakened your marriage.
There may be more head games which has you believing something that isn’t so or the sex may be more intense, but that does not mean your marriage is healthier. If your spouse really cared about you, then they would not have tricked you or allowed others to make merchandise of you. They would have instead protected you when you were weak. They would have defended your honor rather than allowing it to be used and shared by others.
Although you feel trapped, you can get out. There is a price tag for admission into ‘the lifestyle; of swinging, there is also an exit fee to leave the swinging lifestyle as well. What you are often not told is that the annual membership fee is greater than the exit fee and that you will have to pay it in one form or another.
Best Regards,
Jeff
PS. If you are struggling with the affair trauma that can occur with swinging or being tricked into it, the “Affair Trauma for swingers” video will help you with your struggle.
