The first time I witnessed the ‘flight from intimacy’ involved a grown man literally running from others attempting to get close to him. He literally ran from anyone getting close to him.
The intensity of his reaction surprised me. It also made me very aware of how powerful the experience can be.
He managed avoiding intimacy for years. In his case, he used anger as his yelling as ways of keeping others away. He could’ve easily used drugs, alcohol or affairs as well. They all have ways of keeping others from getting too close.
In his case, the flight was a full out sprint away from intimacy. There was so much pain in his life, he preferred running from intimacy since it stirred up painful memories inside himself.
Anytime you or your spouse faces trauma, there’s a temptation for running away from intimacy. In healthy people, this urge is resisted. They’ve learned that facing intimacy is more rewarding that running from it.
Although some have learned about how essential intimacy is, not everyone has. You or your spouse may be one of those who avoid intimacy. The affair itself could be a way of avoiding intimacy.
As strange as it seems, the affair keeps you from getting too close to them. The affair creates and keeps distance between the two of you.
If the lover is someone who they’ll never get close too, it’s a safe bet that the affair is a flight from intimacy.
You may know that your marriage needs improved intimacy. It may also need help in stopping the flight from intimacy. The flight has to be stopped BEFORE what intimacy you have can be improved.
If you try getting close before stopping the flight from intimacy, you may be scaring your spouse and driving them away without realizing it.
One place to start turning the situation around is by dealing with traumas and resolving them before taking steps that improve intimacy. Removing the traumas together will help create an environment conducive to intimacy.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, you can learn ways of moving past the traumas in your life rather than finding a new way of running from them and the possibility of intimacy.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
