One of the topics that arises with affairs is that of jealousy. Affairs often trigger the emotional reaction of jealousy due to the nature of how jealousy works.
With jealousy, one spouse believes they deserve the other in an exclusive manner. When the lover enters the picture, the exclusive quality of your relationship is endangered.
It’s no longer and exclusive relationship with just you and them. One spouse feels threatened by the third party.
With jealousy involving the threat of a third party, it shows up with affair situations. The relationship dynamics make affair scenarios prone to jealousy reactions.
Jealousy also indicates that needs are being threatened, or unmet. Jealousy, like anger is a secondary emotion. It happens as a reaction to something.
When you begin looking at the relationship in terms of what each of your emotional needs, you begin seeing beyond the jealousy.
No one wants their relationship threatened. When a new lover enters the picture, they truly are a threat to your marriage relationship. The uneasiness or early pangs of jealousy may be your spouse sensing that there’s a threat.
Jealousy is telling you to WAKE UP to the threat to your marriage.
At the time, you may not be able to put it into words, you just know you feel threatened.
Jealousy, like many of the other emotions, can become destructive when taken to extremes. When the jealously is persistent, unfounded or delusional it can push you further away from your spouse.
The extreme jealousy can become emotionally suffocating when allowed to go wild. At that point, it becomes destructive. What was once a form of coping, now turns destructive.
What this means is that jealousy is an issue needing attention when it arises. In order to discover what unmet needs are at work, it requires each of you communicate openly and directly about what you need from each other.
Ignoring jealousy gives it greater space for growth. It will grow to accommodate the space it’s given. When it becomes too large, it’s overwhelming.
This is why you want to open up the lines of communication in your marriage early. In the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions“, you’ll discover ways of opening up better communication between you and your spouse.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
