It’s amazing how many ideas I experience while driving or taking a shower. At those times, the pieces come together and suddenly make more sense.
Although I haven’t jumped out of the shower yelling “Eureka!” at having an idea, I definitely leave the shower with a renewed spring in my step. Such ideas have an energy all their own.
One idea occurring to me concerned the question “Why should you listen to me?” With all the affair recovery experts (or affair recovery specialists) available, there’s plenty to choose from.
First, I can tell you that neither I nor my wife have had an affair. There have been temptations, pressures and close calls, yet no one stepped outside of our marriage.
I share with you proven ways of staying together and reducing the risks of infidelity. Neither of us was married before, so we don’t have that experience for addition to our vita.
We’ve learned about communication, commitment and what’s involved in ‘keeping things together’. In some cases, it was about keeping myself together, at other times, it was about keeping the family together.
What I’ve experienced is how affairs impact a family first hand from the perspective of watching what happened to my family when affairs happened.
I’ve felt torn regarding all the conflicting loyalties, the keeping of secrets and getting betrayed on several levels at the same time.Being caught between two sides is gut wrenching.
I’ve endured the family gatherings where although tensions are so tight you can cut them with a knife. In those settings you dare not say anything about ‘the affair’ or risk being ostracized from the family since I was in on the secret that wasn’t supposed to be discussed.
I’ve seen family members try hiding the effects of the affair behind other excuses (mental health, God wanted me to be happy, attention deficit problems, etc). There’s a craziness in getting everyone to believe the ‘accepted lie’ rather than speaking the truth about the consequences of the affair.
Although all the affairs in my family are finally over, the shock waves from them continue reverberating decades after they happened.
I’ve gone through the CPS (Children’s Protective Service) drama seeing how allegations impact the family. Allegations of child abuse is one of those things that come with affairs.
I’ve seen the suicidal gestures, threats of murder, depression and malaise that come with adultery. The extremes it drives people to are monumental.
Those first hand experiences give me a reference point for understanding what you’re going through.
Infidelity isn’t something just between two adults, it leaves a wide ugly, jagged scar on everyone in the family. That scar goes on years after the affair.
All these experiences give me a unique view and voice as a counselor in dealing with affairs. Having gone through those experience, I knew the struggles first hand.
Working with couples recovering from affairs found me in churches, court rooms, agencies, shelters, schools, hospitals and counseling offices. Each of these venues has its own challenges.
So I’ve not only dealt with the effects first hand, I’ve seen adultery from a wide array of settings. No matter what angle you look at it from, it’s ugly.
My material and the posts I share are from those experiences. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the agony and consequences that affairs bring if you don’t have to. There are things you can do that help you recover from what happened rather than letting it sink you.
If you need help with these areas or can relate to them, then you’re in the right place. I’m here for you then.
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I guide you through the journey of recovery in a special sequence designed from reducing conflict and putting your relationship in a healthier place.
I took the material I learned that works and put it together in one package. The interventions, steps and areas needing attention are all here.
The material is what you would experience and learn in over a month of counseling for much less than it would cost you in both time and money. When your main goal is recovering from the affair, its a powerful tool for you and your marriage.
Order your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
