The question arises as to whether or not you need to document all the interactions between you and your spouse when cheating is going on. When you start documenting, if the cheater finds out, they will often accuse you of not trusting them. They behave as if they are due trust, even though they are the one who violated the marriage vows. When they violate the rules, it does not make sense that they expect you to play by those same rules. This is part of their sickness in that they sincerely believe that the rules do not apply to them.
Since whenever there is an affair, there is a risk of a divorce. Whether I like that reality does not matter. The reality is that at that point, your marriage is at risk. When things are ‘at risk’ you need to make changes. One of those changes is the need to protect yourself and the children. Despite all the promises about “I would never do anything to hurt my children”, the truth is they did. Since they lied about their marriage vows with the sacred promises involved, why would they treat the relationship between them and your children any different. If past history is any indication of future actions, the cheater has shown that they are willing to risk everything for their own gratification. They have shown you their values. Until they show you some different changes, you need to document. That documentation includes observations, recordings, photos and any other type of hard evidence. You may want to log phone calls and copy any emails you intercept.
Documentation does not mean that you do not trust them. It means that they need to prove that they are trustworthy to you again. Cheaters have a way of turning and twisting things around, so be prepared for the accusations about you not trusting, rather than them admitting that they have let you down and are not to be trusted further than you can throw them.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
