One of the trends I’ve noticed with the lockdown is that the kinds of questions being asked by spouses is changing. In the past, you haven’t had to spend so much time with your spouse.
When you didn’t spend so much time, you didn’t ask questions or notice things that you do now.
With the additional time, you have additional questions and typically, they address issues with greater thoughtfulness. One of those questions is “How long does affair discovery last?”
Although the reactions from discovering your spouse’s affair happen quickly, you may be one of those who either put off taking action or don’t want to believe what you discovered.
Denial is powerful. It keeps you blind to what’s right in front of you. All the signs may be there, but your mind hasn’t connected the dots.
It’s not that you’re stupid. Denial has ways of making everyone experiencing it, like yourself, look foolish.
No one likes unpleasant news, especially when it impacts your marriage. When troubling news hits you personally, it may take a while before it sets in.
You see things, but don’t recognize what they’re telling you.
Some people react quickly to bad news, while for others it’s a slow burn. This is a difference in reaction times and reaction styles.
Expecting yourself to fit within some affair recovery timeline puts added pressure on you that you don’t need during this time. Those timelines put time pressure on you and prematurely force your relationship into awkward positions.
Nothing is wrong with you if it takes longer for news of affair discovery to sink in or if you react quickly.
What is important is that once you make the discovery that you follow it up with action. Making the discovery of an affair and doing nothing is problematic.
Intentionally delaying your response makes things worse. This is where you silence contributes to the problem by making things worse. Cheaters typically view your silence as ‘condoning’ of what they’re doing.
When you’re silent, they interpret your inaction however they want to, which isn’t in your best interest. One action is learning how to deal with it and what your options are. You can find this is the video “Overcoming the Affair Crisis”.
The affair crisis focuses on the discovery of the affair and your actions in the aftermath of that discovery. The steps you take shape the direction recovery goes, so handling it well will make a difference.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
