The shock of suddenly discovering an affair dominates the affair recovery sites. At times, there are posts concerning being falsely accused of an affair.
Rarely do I come across posts on the long term impact of being falsely accused of an affair.
Being repeatedly accused of infidelity impacts you. At first, you deny and dismiss them. Initially it helps you cope.
When the accusations continue, the accusations themselves start creating distance. Since they persist, some start thinking the rumors are true.
Those accusations start pushing you away from your spouse. As wild as it seems, in some cases, the accusations start turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They can where you down. You start thinking twisted thoughts that “Since they think it’s true, why not make it true.”
In terms of handling those kinds of accusations, how you handle it depends on whether you are the accuser of the one being accused.
If you’re making the accusations, repeating your message leads to it being ignored rather than listened to. Spouses tune out repeated messages when heard too many times.
Consider identifying the specific behavior rather than jumping directly to the accusations. For example, if they are distancing themselves from you and avoiding you, address that.
Talk about what is observable and tangible rather than your assumptions surrounding the behaviors. When you address the observable behaviors it helps you and your spouse clearly understand what you are seeing and why that’s a concern for you.
Jumping to conclusions and expecting your spouse to follow you leads to communication breakdowns. Instead of jumping and wanting them to follow, think about what you can do to improve your message.
In the video ‘Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I share ways of improving communication, including methods of making your message clearer and more easily understood. It helps get you listened to.
Click and download your copy today. It will help you be heard the first time, rather than having to repeat yourself time and again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
