When photos of my 40th high school reunion were posted online, I looked at them and pondered whether I made a mistake in not attending it. Seeing the familiar faces brought back memories, and feelings for me.
My questions about whether or not it was a mistake were soon answered at a conference I attended. At that conference, one of the presenters, Dr. Merrill Norton, shared a story in illustrating a point he was making about brain chemistry and triggers.
He opened by declaring “Do not go to high school reunions!” delivered in his thick Georgia accent. Each syllable of ‘DO NOT’ were emphasized. There was something about how he said it that gave it a down home, common sense aspect.
He used the story in illustrating how reunions trigger old feelings for old flames and how one of his close friends ended up having an affair after attending one. His story answered my question.
His explanation included detailing of the brain chemicals released when those feelings are triggered. It became clear that it’s not just nostalgia. There’s something bigger going on.
When the brain chemicals are released, they begin impacting your body, including your brain. It’s not that you suddenly become stupid. Your brain just reactivates old programs.
What happens is that the brain chemicals start turning switches on and off. You’re literally re-wired within a matter of minutes, whether you intended to be or not. Your brain once again transforms into your high school brain.
Think about it. All those old adolescent feelings suddenly get switched on again!
When just seeing pictures of old classmates brought back feelings, I understood. Seeing them in person triggers even stronger reactions. This includes feelings of inadequacy, affection, desire or whatever you left behind years ago.
I thought I had good self-control, yet those old feelings still got triggered. It was as if my brain was on auto pilot. Those warm feelings I had toward some classmates come up again in just a few minutes.
Those classmates you had crushes on are easily triggered once more. You find yourself working through those emotions all over again.
This triggering is also why those reunions are potential dangers for both you and your spouse. It’s not so much about self-control as it is about brain chemistry.
You may have good intentions, yet those early memories are easily re-activated. This is one of the dangers of re-connecting with old flames on facebook.
Undoing what started in high school takes some work. This is one of the benefits of the download “Affair Recovery Workshop“. In it, I share ways of creating new circuits in the cheater’s brain along with bypassing some of their defenses.
Affairs are not just a matter of self-control. The real action isn’t in the bedroom, it’s in their brain.
Undoing the affair means changing their thinking along with getting the wiring in their brain back to where it needs to be. You can start making those changes with the workshop.
If you must go to the reunion, insist on going with your spouse. Their presence will help counter anything triggered by the reunion.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
