When you lose someone dear, you start recalling the unique quirks in their behavior that set them apart. There were things they did and things they said bouncing around in your in your mind associated with them.
When you see that behavior or hear certain words, you automatically think of them. One of the things my dad did with my brother was exchanging new or odd emoticons. They enjoyed sharing those little faces, animals and objects in their messaging with each other.
Exchanging emoticons was their thing.
I thought about their thing when I encountered the phenomena of ‘sadfishing’. Sadfishing is when people use the sad face emoticon in seeking pity and attention from others. Some use of that emoticon is legitimate, yet when it’s used as a manipulation, it’s definitely fishing for sympathy or attention.
It also occurred to me that when it comes to affairs, there’s quite a bit of sadfishing as well. Cheaters sadfish to hook in potential AP’s. What starts as a sympathy f**k from someone who is trying to comfort others turns into an affair.
Some betrayed spouses use sadfishing in generating pity parties.
The danger of pity parties is that they provide support that you never or seldom received from your spouse. It removes one of the powerful motivations that drive couples toward reconciliation.
One of my dear friends lost his wife over pity parties. She derived so much support from pity parties, she decided she no longer needed him anymore. During one of the conflict times in her marriage, the church support group rushed in to ‘rescue’ her. They had good intentions, but they brought destruction with them.
Her support group never allowed her to feel any pain. Pain and sadness are what motivates you to make changes in your marriage and your life. She no longer had any pain or discomfort that would have motivated her to work on her marriage with my friend.
The support group from her church ended up contributing to the dissolution of her marriage rather than the healing of it. To think it all started with what was then referred to as a pity party. The whole episode changed my friend’s view of that particular church.
Whether you call it sadfishing or pity parties, there are hidden dangers behind them. When your marriage hits a tough spot, it’s important that you and your spouse work your way through it instead of seeking solutions outside of your marriage.
If you’re unsure how to do that, consider the video ‘Let’s Talk: Hurting People, Healing Questions‘. The video guides the two of you in opening up communication.
What’s important is dealing with the issues that created the sadness and loss rather than cheering them up. They need support rather than a cheerleader.
There’s a time and place for emoticons. Don’t let them be misused for sadfishing. When you’re tempted to sadfish, remember that the bait you’re using can catch something you never expected in a bad way.
Fishing with emoticons is potentially dangerous, especially when its sadfishing.
Click and download your copy of the video today. Rather than sadfish for temporary emotional fixes, find some real solutions.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
