Years ago I attended a conference where the main speaker talked about timeliness. He used the illustration of planting an apple tree.
He asked “When is the best time for planting an apple tree?” His answer was “Twenty years ago.” Although somewhat humorous, his answer underscored the importance of taking action now rather than waiting.
In the case of the apple tree, your best option would have been to plant it years before. Ironically, I planted one soon after the conference, which was about twenty plus years ago.
When it comes to affairs, there are some cheaters who continue looking for the best time for ending their relationship. Although they say they’re looking for the best time, the reality is they’re just stalling.
Each day they put off ending the affair only adds to the difficulty in ending it.
In a similar manner, the best response for ending the affair is years ago, or even months ago. Even ending it weeks before is better than any future date.
The sooner it ends means the sooner you start putting it behind you and the sooner you and everyone involved starts healing. Ending the relationship also sends the message that you’re serious about making changes.
No matter how unhealthy you painted your current marriage situation, the cheating relationship is worse, even if you can’t see it yet. There are moments it leaves you feeling good, but that doesn’t mean its healthy.
Ending the relationship is also better for you. When the relationship is sick, those involved are likely unhealthy as well. They may be nice, but their ability to maintain healthy boundaries indicates there’s likely other problems as well.
Keeping secrets, telling lies and hiding evidence aren’t signs of a healthy relationship. They’re signs that something isn’t right. You’re already engaging in unhealthy behavior, so what makes you think the relationship is healthy?
When a relationship is sick, the longer you remain in it, the sicker your own thinking becomes.
You may not want to hear that the relationship wasn’t healthy. Defending it won’t make it healthy, it only puts you in a position where you do mental calisthenics in supporting the dysfunctional relationship.
If you got into their pants, there’s some dysfunction going on. The greater the dysfunction, the higher the risk to yourself. The longer it goes on also means the more people get involved.
If you don’t know where to start with ending it, consider the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”. Just click and download it.
Within minutes you can know what steps are needed in ending the relationship and starting your recovery from what happened. You’re likely carrying hurts and scars you’re not fully aware of.
Start your healing by downloading and listening today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
